To All The Social Medias I've Loved Before

10/26/2018

I've made the biggest blogging sin.. I fell out of love with social media.

And in the style of 'To All The Boys I've Loved Before' I've decided to write short letters to all my past online loves. I've recently come to the conclusion that one cannot blog without relying on social media, whether for interaction or content. I love blogging, it frees me from the realities of life and I adore sharing little tidbits of myself along the way. I suppose I treat it as a sort of diary. It gives me a purpose. So I will continue to try to rediscover my love for these platforms, I don't have the faintest clue as to how, but that's another blog post for another day.



Twitter, where to even start. You were the first platform that 12-year-old Anne discovered. You welcomed me into the Twilight fandom with glee, and no longer did I feel it unacceptable to class internet friends as real life BFF's. You aged with me, both in good ways and bad. Through my Twihard loving ways, you helped me discover roleplay and that inadvertently shaped me into the person that I am. You gave me my first online relationship of 5 years, and you were the cause of my first heartbreak. But I forgave you, because, well, you were my first. (I even forgave you when you changed the 'liking' logo from a star to a heart - and trust me, buddy, that was a tough adjustment to make. Let's not even mention when the layout went wacky.) You were the space of the internet that kept me company when I was in a constant spiral of all nighters, where else was I going to post every song that I was #NP.  You gave me my first taste of popularity (kind of), with gaining over 2,000 followers in just a few months through the magical world of roleplay which added to my confidence, which as silly as it may sound now, is exactly what I needed in 2010. But then I got older, and you kind of stayed back there. I tried to rekindle our spark by creating a new account for blogging purposes, but then you went and ruined it with a 'follower' suggestion that become a downhill slope. I now can't click on you without the constant fear of having to log out with another heartbreak under my belt. I guess you could say we changed.

Instagram, you're the popular kid who gives backhanded compliments. You're my whirlwind of confusion. You tell me to be myself, that it ought to be enough, only to then show me how untrue that is. Over and over you make me wish to be someone else. But that's okay because you're simultaneously giving me positive quotes about confidence, right? I rediscovered my love for photography and art through you, and that without a doubt added to my decision to start blogging again in '15. So I thank you for that, and I want to love you again. But I feel like you've become a really great book that has some major problematic areas that I'm expected to look past, which is difficult for someone who has a problem with forgetting anything that leaves a bad impact on her heart and/or memory. Maybe it's not you, it's me. All I know is, when I delve into your world, I tend to leave miserable.

Facebook, you replaced Twitter for me after the first heartbreak. You made me more comfortable in the roleplay world, and though my world shrunk when I moved over to you, I was happier.  At least for a little while. You helped me write more, and the people that I met through you helped me realise that I was more than just a character. You also hugely aided in my research as to whether my now husband was a psychopath when we met.. so, thanks for that! But now you've become an empty page that only seems to leave me feeling separated from loved ones, and well, alone. You also broke the news to me that people don't always just make reckless comments about strangers, that they can view people in their real lives with the same immoral attitude. In a way, you are the cause of my seeing people for what they really are. We live in a world of cruel comment sections, but it's always strangers commenting. When those people are people you may see everyday? It's really hard to see past that. You make me lose faith in the my world.

Tumblr, you were my secret lover. The place I fell back on to make me feel okay with being a bit gloomy sometimes. You made it safe to be myself as you were a world of strangers who never asked a question. You didn't beautify sadness,but you didn't make me feel like I was stupid for not doing the "obvious solutions". You didn't tell me to go outside, you merely gave me words that I could speak through. But then you became a place of possible heartbreak. I realised that not one person I know, whether online or in real life, knew about my account with you. And that was frightening as it reopened the forever question of "How little do we actually know about people?". If I'm able to hide in you, who else is? The unknown terrifies me, and you have become my trigger.



**This is in no way a reflection of any of the social medias, these are merely my experiences and an overly personal post.

What's your relationship with social media like? Have you recently had any change of hearts? Let me know down below. Or, you know, get in touch with me on social media. The irony, right?

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