Well, hello there strangers. I've been rather MIA the past few months as my mental health took a spiral downward. But I'm back! In an attempt to talk about something cheery, I thought it would be fun to discuss some of the 5 star books I've recently read. We have romance, a short story collection, and some modern fiction. Let's get into it..

Malibu Rising
Taylor Jenkins Reid

Four siblings. A party. A fire. Dramaramarama, Nina, Jay, Hud, and Kit are throwing their yearly party to mark the end of Summer. It's a lavish affair that everyone wants to attend. But this year will be different, everything is about to go wrong. From failing marriages, estranged parents, sibling rivalries, and flames. 

The synopsis is vague, but I think it needs to be to add to the reading experience. It's no surprise that I devoured this book in one sitting and gave it a radiant 5 stars. For me, TJR's books have been consistently good.  I adored Nina as a character, she was definitely my favourite. I appreciated how gradual her story was told, making us (as the readers) work to understand her. Her ability to write a large cast of characters while still managing to keep them all feeling individual is remarkable. The reviews for Malibu Rising have been varied, and I think that is partly down to the pacing. Though we mainly read from the day of the party, we do get flashbacks of the past to build up the story. I personally enjoyed the 'all over the place' feel as it added to the build-up of the fire that we know is coming. All in all, TJR doesn't miss and this is a huge contender for my favorite book of 2021. 

People We Meet On Vacation
Emily Henry 

Poppy and Alex used to be the perfect definition of friendship goals. Since their days at university they'd taken a yearly vacation together, scrimping and saving throughout the year to make it happen. Memories were built, career's blossomed, and friendship remained. But nowadays they barely speak. Poppy is struggling with her life, she feels aimless and decides that the only thing that could possibly restore her zest for life and travel would be to recreate those vacation days with Alex. But when he agrees and everything starts to go wrong for the duo, they are forced to face the vacation that broke them apart.

This was such a fun read. I read Beach Read by Emily Henry a few months ago and loved that too. She has a knack for writing romance that are build around a more serious topic without losing the fun of banter. Poppy and Alex were a great dynamic, they were the epitome of the sunshine&grumpy trope which I adore. There were a few steamy scenes and a slow burn that made the pay off more than worth it. If you enjoy The Brown Sisters series or Sally Throne's books, give this a shot. 

Honey Girl
Morgan Rodgers 

Grace Porter is a 28-years-old woman, a PHD student, and just drunkenly got married to a girl she doesn't know in Vegas. Can they make it work? And is Grace's time at her unfulfilling job nearing an end?

The character growth in this book is flawlessly done. I adored Grace as a character, she was messy while still showing a vulnerability that kept her feeling real. I really enjoyed how Grace's career was the main drive for her story. Her love for science translated well off the page and I even learned a few things! There is a podcast element to this story that worked great if reading this as an audiobook. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this! It was an authentic look at a 20-something woman struggling to find her footing in life. Also.. how gorgeous is this cover?

Indelicacy
Amina Cain

Too cautious to pursue her passion of art, Vitória instead works as a cleaner at an art museum. When she meets a man who can offer her more, her entire world gets turned upside down. But the artist soon learns that having it all can quite easily feel like having nothing. 

Though the main plot of this 2020 release is centered around a marriage, at heart Indelicacy follows in the footsteps of Convenience Store Woman opening a discussion of loneliness, feminism, and dreams. I adored this mere blimp of a novel (it's 112 pages) way more than I thought possible. The writing flowed like poetry while maintaining a grit that the story needed. Though at times dislikeable, Vitória had a complexity to her that kept me invested in her story. If you enjoyed books such as My Year of Rest and Relaxation and The Bell Jar, pick this up. Definitely one of the best books I've read in 2021. 

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue
V. E. Schwab

Though marketed as a love story between a forgotten girl and the devil, the complexity of this novel is impossible to be summed up in a mere sentence. In 1714 Addie Larue made a deal with the devil to escape the life she was being forced into. She lives until she wishes to give up her soul, but on the condition that everyone she meets forgets her within minutes of being apart. Lonely, unable to lay down roots, and craving intimacy with another human, Addie goes through her day-to-day life as a ghost. That is until one day a miracle occurs: someone remembers her. 

Firstly, this truly isn't a love story between Addie and Luc (the devil), so I felt a little conned about that. However, have you ever read a book that gave off such a haunting atmosphere? That's how I feel about Addie Larue. This is my first Schwab book, and I was honestly blown away by the writing. It was flowery, but in just the right sense. I grew to love Addie as a character, and felt the loneliness that riddled her. Some negative reviews I've seen are mainly about the length, which yes, this was a tome of a book. But when a book has to rely on you bounding with such a small character list, I think it needs the slow burn. If you're easily bored or go into this expecting a fast-paced fantasy, it'll disappoint you. It gave me We Have Always Lived In The Castle vibes, but in a romantic setting. I can't stop thinking about this book. 

How to Pronounce Knife
Souvankham Thammavongsa

Record of a Spaceborn Few
Becky Chambers

Told through five different narratives, this follows a group of humans who live at the Galactic Commons. A sprawling universe of superficial intelligence, aliens, wars, and yet.. this group of people live normally. I suppose this is the first book in the Wayfarers series that explores humanity through actual humans, but it just read so... boring. I'm devastated to say that as I adore this series, this third installment simply felt unnecessary and like a stepping stone for Chambers to expand the universe. It didn't seem to have an actual plot, the characters were explored individually and yet only two seemed to have growth. It felt like I spend the entire novel waiting for something to happen. The writing was still very assessable and I didn't want to DNF, so that's why I'm still giving it a solid 2.5 rating. 

The Diving Pool: Three Novellas
Yōko Ogawa

Novellas are always hard to review/rate without delving into each individual story. This collection seemed to have a commentary on womanhood, loneliness, and growth. They were so weird that I truly can't wrap my mind around them. I enjoyed two and was completely thrown by one. If you've read other novels by the author (I strongly recommend The Housekeeper and the Professor) then you might want to pick this up. Her writing is seamless with very odd yet likeable characters. I want to read more translated work in 2021 and this definitely fueled my interest. 

The Guest List
Lucy Foley 

A group of people come together to celebrate the wedding of their respected party. But this isn't just any wedding. On a secluded island on the Irish coast, a group of people come together to celebrate what they peg as "the wedding of the year". Upper class Jules and popular TV personality Will make for the most picturesque couple. But things soon turn deadly when pranks go array and a body shows up. I was hesitant to pick this up despite the many raving reviews it has as the plot seemed a tad similar to books such as One by One and An Unwanted Guest, two books that I read last year and didn't wholeheartedly enjoy. However, this was such a pleasant surprise! The writing truly made this book addicting. I didn't want to stop reading and though the ending felt a tad rushed and predictable, I was enthralled! It reminded me a bit of the mini series Harper's Island. If you want a super fast-paced thriller with complex characters (aka: they aren't all just assholes), pick this up! HUGE trigger warning for self harm.

This Star Won't Go Out: The Life and Words of Esther Grace Earl
Lori Earl, Wayne Earl, Esther Earl, John Green

Esther Earl was a teenager who was diagnosed with cancer when she was 12-years-old. While sick, she discovered the beauty of the Internet world and immersed herself in fandoms to escape reality right up until she sadly passed away in 2010. She was a vlogger, author, and Nerdfighter. This is a collection of her writing, journal entries, online conversations, and art. I had never seen any of Esther's vlogs before picking up this TOME of a collection, but I had heard of her story through John Green. I honestly wept multiple times as I read this. At one point I had to go in the shower to cry. Esther was a beautiful human being who had so much to give to the world. I really appreciated how the words of her family and friends were included in the book as it gave it so much depth. I get that these kind of books may not be for everyone as reading some random journal entry about going to buy a CD may seem odd, but it just worked for me. If this has been on your radar, give it a try! It's never too late to read about someone's life. 

Side-note: Going off track here, but hear me out. Harry Potter is a very large topic throughout This Star Won't Go Out, Esther is heavily involved in the online Potter community and it led her to make beautiful friendships. It really made me think of the quote "Don't cry that it's over, smile because it happened.". Harry Potter has been a lifeline for so many people and we shouldn't dismiss them for continuing to love the books or movies. Yes, if they're continuing to support new things that she-who-shan't-be-named releases, they need to have a word with themselves. But I've seen a fair few people publicly shamed for continuing to have the books on their shelves or whatnot. It's okay to fall out of love with a creator, but not the world. You can't change the past. The Potter community is a place of love, and that can outshine the ugliness of Rowling. Just a thought.

Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows
Balli Kaur Jaswal

Nikki is the daughter of Indian immigrants, yet she's spent her life distancing herself from the traditional Sikh community. When her father’s death leaves the family financially strapped, Nikki, a law school dropout, impulsively takes a job teaching a "creative writing" course at the community center in the beating heart of London’s close-knit Punjabi community. Because of a miscommunication, the proper Sikh widows who show up are expecting to learn basic English literacy, not the art of short-story writing. When one of the widows finds a book of sexy stories in English and shares it with the class, Nikki realizes that beneath their white dupattas, her students have a wealth of fantasies and memories. Eager to liberate these modest women, she teaches them how to express their untold stories, unleashing creativity of the most unexpected smutty variety. I adored this book. It was the perfect balance between educational and fun. It was wonderful to learn more about the traditional life and ways of a Punjabi wife. The entire character list was great, and it was so much fun reading the banter between the women. I laughed out loud multiple times, which I wasn't expecting. All in all, a great all-round book. (Would make for a great buddy read!)

The Prince and the Dressmaker
Jen Wang

A intense bond forms between a Prince and a Dressmaker when the Prince hires her to make him dresses. Knowing that the kingdom will never accept him, the Royal sneaks out at night in flawlessly designed dresses and makes the town envious of his beauty. Oh my God, this was freaking adorable! I wasn't sure what to expect from this as it could've very easily been frivolous given that it's Middlegrade and about something that you don't always see in Children's literature. However, what a wonderfully done story. I think it gave a very convincing story of what it's like to be different and the hurdles that you have to jump over to be accepted. I liked that it had a somewhat bleak middle but came back around. But most of all, I really enjoyed that the Prince was straight but wanted to wear dresses. I sometimes feel like in books or TV shows, it's one extreme or the other. I feel like you rarely see the middle ground where someone's sexuality isn't in question, just their desires. This was simply a very well done graphic novel that I urge anyone to read. The art is also flawless. 

Eat, Pray, Love
Elizabeth Gilbert

Elizabeth Gilbert was in an unhappy marriage when she decided to call it quits and travel. (Self love at it's finest...?) Off to Italy, India, and Bali she went with only a small case and an advance for a book that she aimed to write throughout her travels. In Italy she fell in love with food, language, and herself. In India she found her Zen, peace, and love of life. In Bali she learnt to find spirituality. Okay, this is a semi controversial book nowadays, right? A lot of people class it as "white woman with money who is unhappy", and I fully get that. Elizabeth Gilbert is insanely privileged. But I still enjoyed this book. Learning about the different cultures and people was interesting. However, I can't in good conscience give this book a higher rating than 2.5 stars. This has not aged well, at all. There are so many slurs, questionable word choices, and iffy descriptions in here. I get that it was published 15 years ago, but jeez. I also found that some of her stories were very black/white. She never seemed to own up to any mistakes that she did. Meh. Overall, I'm glad I read this as it's on so many lists, but if you're searching for a woman's journey of self love, pick up Wild by Cheryl Strayed. 

I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness
Austin Channing Brown

This is a non-fiction look at the prejudices that a black woman faces in school, life, and business. Austin Channing Brown's parents gave her a white man's name in a bid to help her in life, and it works, right up until she turns up for an interview and is met with questioning stares at the fact that she's not only black, but also a woman. This is just one of the hundreds of things she, and so many others, have to face on a daily bases. This was a difficult book to listen to but entirely worthwhile. As a white woman I want to learn what I can do to help lift others, and this opened my eyes to so many things that I might overlook. It's hard to hear someone's pain, look at yourself, and realize that you aren't doing enough. Austin Channing Brown's strength radiates in her words and it's beautiful. I wanted a little more from this as I mistakenly thought it was part memoir, but I'm still thankful that I picked it up. I recommend the audiobook because.. goosebumps. 

Limelight 
Amy Poeppel 

Allison Brinkley has just moved her entire family to the dazzling lights of New York city. Her husband already has a job lined up, but Allison is struggling to find something that fits her. Enter in Carter Reid - a beloved popstar who has just been cast in a Broadway play who offers Allison an amazing opportunity to work within the inner circle of the rich and famous. Before seeing this at a library sale, I'd never heard of the book or the author but was drawn to it solely because of the Valley of the Dolls style cover. Yup, I'm that easily swayed into buying a book. Limelight gave me exactly what I was hoping for - a fun female protagonist, a bratty teenage popstar who just needs a mothering figure, and a commentary on "never being too old for a fresh start." In so many ways this book resembled the likes of early Taylor Jenkins Reid, Liane Moriarty, and Jojo Moyes. I feel like Limelight is the type of book that you'll already know whether you're going to enjoy simply by reading the premise. One thing I did really appreciate was the never wavering relationship between Allison and her husband. This story could've easily fallen down a cheating trope or divorce, but didn't. They had a healthy relationship which can be unheard of in Women's fiction. Fun, easy to read, and a great palate cleanser.

Shanghai Girls
Lisa See

Pearl and May are sisters, living carefree lives in Shanghai, the Paris of Asia. But when Japanese bombs fall on their beloved city, they set out on the journey of a lifetime, one that will take them through the Chinese countryside, in and out of the clutch of brutal soldiers, and across the Pacific to the shores of America. This book spans many years, from 1937 to the late 50's, and it's more of a look on the trails and obstacles Chinese immigrants had to face even in "the land of the free". I've never been more conflicted about a book. I wanted to really love this as I hadn't yet read a historical fiction from this narrative and a sisterly duo is one of my favourite things in books. However, this was a torturous read. And I mean that literally. There's a graphic rape scene in this that made me want to put the book down altogether as I felt physically sick. It didn't shy away from any brutality that May and Pearl faced and I don't know whether I needed that much pain in this story. May was an insufferable character that I ached to shake, both her and Joy (a character that comes later in the story) ruined the overall reading experience for me. I'm a little interested in picking up the sequel Dreams of Joy as the first novel did end on a cliffhanger, but, dayum. I may just read a spoiler review.

What was the best book you read this month? I'd love to know!

I recently took to Twitter to ask whether readers prefer a hefty end-of-the-month wrap-up with way too many books, or to split into two posts that each have 5-10 reviews. The latter won by a landslide, so here we are! It's officially mid-January and I've already read 11 books. I'm on a roll. Here are just some of the books I've read thus far. 

Punching The Air
Ibi Zoboi, Yusef Salaam

Amal is a 16-year-old Black teen who is wrongly incarcerated for throwing a punch towards a white boy. While in prison, he explores his love for art, poetry, and meets other black men who have faced similar injustices in the world. This is a brutal book to read (or listen to), the verse style of writing may make it seem beautiful but it's honestly gut-wrenching. The truth behind the injustice that Amal experiences broke my heart. Amal was a beautifully layered character, I felt his pain and ached to see the art he was creating. This is a phenomenally done coming-of-age novel that is a necessary read for the book community, especially now. I hope to reread this book one day and be gratified that our world has changed so drastically. What's your favourite coming-of-age novel?

In an Absent Dream (Wayward Children #4)
Seanan McGuire 

Lundy is a young girl who feels alone in life. There appears her door. Venturing into the magical world that's founded on logic and reason, riddles and lies, she finally feels like she's found her place. But everything comes at a cost in the Goblin Market, which Lundy soon learns. This was a reread for me as I'm participating in the Buzzword reading challenge. (The prompt for January was to read a book with "dream" in the title), and it holds up as my favourite of the Wayward Children series. It's incredibly fun with a great friendship taking center stage. Seanan McGuire has a knack for building these quirky worlds but I think this this fourth installment from the series is the most vivid. We have a goblin market, fair trade as currency, and a beautiful friendship between two girls. Adore! 

Love Story 
Erich Segal 

Oliver and Jenny are from two different paths of life. He is the popular Jock who comes from a rich family, and she, the wisecracking beauty that is underappreciated at their school, comes from nothing. When they form a romantic entanglement, it causes quite the stir. But at what cost? We've all read stories like this before. It's the classic popular/nerd trope that is more often seen in movies than books. Love story was written in the 1970's, and was initially a screenplay that Erich Segal then adapted into a book to help hype up the forthcoming movie. You can tell. This was a mere blimp of a novel, coming in at just over 100 pages. In many ways it reminded me of a Nicholas Sparks novel, where you read it already picturing the movie and not necessarily the book. This felt like an afterthought, which is essentially is. I'm glad I read it, as I can now watch the movie without that bookworm guilt. But I don't feel like it was necessary. For the time, I imagine this was a very original story, but it just doesn't hold up well.

The Quiet Room: A Journey Out of the Torment of Madness
Lori Schiller, Amanda Bennett

In her early 20's, Lori Schiller became suicidal and was plagued by terrifying voices in her head. She had undiagnosed schizophrenia. This is her memoir where she recounts the many times she was pulled into the world of psychiatric hospitals, drugs, therapy, and countless relapses. For the time, no one really knew of schizophrenia so it was truly difficult to read about Lori's experiences with getting a diagnosis. She had various doctors who just wanted to drug her up, lock her in a room, and forget about her. Reading something like this in the 2020's when we have come so far with our take on mental health was a journey. I do think the novel dragged on for a little too long, some of the sections could've been summarized in a paragraph. My only other problem was the blatant fat shaming that continuously happened throughout this book. I fully understand that it was meant to be a commentary on weight gain while on medication, but it felt very black&white. It continuously mentions Lori's height vs weight and it made me feel rather crap about my own body, despite not having a similar weight mass to her. I just want to mention that as if you're currently struggling with body image, I wouldn't recommend you pick this book up. Alas, all in all, this was really interesting and if you have any interest in learning more about illnesses that aren't often discussed in media, I recommend this. I especially liked how we have chapters from various people in Lori's life who were there during her hospitalization. It added a view point that we needed.

Binti (Binti #1)
Nnedi Okorafor

Binti is the first of the Himba people ever to be offered a place at Oomza University, the finest institution of higher learning in the galaxy. There she meets an array of people who may be the start of a new life for her. Chaos ensures. I'm not going into the full plot as it would ruin the book as it's so short. For a sci-fi novella, this felt like an entire journey. I was worried that it would be info dumpy and confusing, but alas, I was wrong. This was incredibly fast-paced with a main character who becomes instantly likeable. It was incredible what the author managed to do with so little pages. I'm interested in continuing with the series, which I wasn't expecting. I'd recommend this to people new to the sci-fi genre.

The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August
Claire North

When Harry August dies, he is reborn. His life restarts at the exact same time, to the exact same woman, in the exact same place. Nothing changes. As he ages in each life, his memory resurfaces of his past. There are other people like him who have created a "club" of sorts, and they all band together to try and better lives (their own included). But when a string of murders start happening in each timeline, they have to band together to figure out which one out of their group is responsible. I wanted to love this novel as the trope of reliving a day or life always intrigues me. But.. meh. I enjoyed Claire North's writing, it was beautiful as always. She manages to make the most simplistic of lines seem weighted with importance. I just think this book suffered from being way, way, way too long. There were many chapters that were unnecessary and made the overall story drag. I didn't particularly like any of the characters as they never felt layered - they weren't onions. This was still a fascinating story, the idea was brilliant, but the execution just lacked which lessened my enjoyment. It often seemed too heavy on the telling, rather than the showing. 

*Faye, Faraway 
Helen Fisher

Faye is a thirty-seven-year-old happily married mother of two young daughters, but she is still struggling with the childhood trauma of losing her mother at a young age. When a spacehopper box from her childhood resurfaces, the last thing she expects is to suddenly be transported back in time to 1977 where her mother is still alive. Torn between the past and the present, this is a story of the bond between a mother and daughter and how the intensity of that can tipple throughout someone's life. I adored this novel. It was everything that I was hoping it'd be. The story was incredibly heartfelt with some truly great female characters. It got a little cliché at the end, but in a Kristin Hannah way where it starts to feel like an early 2000's movie. The entire book read like a warm cup of tea. Definitely be on the lookout for this when it gets released later this month.

Naoki Urasawa's Monster #1
Naoki Urasawa

Tenma is a promising surgorn at an elite hospital in Germany. But when he refuses to prioritise operating on the rich instead of a young boy, he loses all credibility within the hospital walls. When a serial killer starts killing and it seems connected to Tenma himself, everything gets a little crazy. Me and my husband have recently created reading bingo boards for each other to complete throughout 2021. He put this manga on mine. I've never read a traditional manga before (As I don't think Chi's Sweet Home counts..?), and it was fun! The plot and style of art was very gripping, I just found the overall story a little predictable. I would be interested in continuing though as for a first volume, not bad at all!

Mooncakes
Wendy Xu, Suzanne Walker

A cute graphic novel about a witch who works at her grandmother's bookshop and the adventures that happen when she falls for white wolf Tam Lang. I was expecting this to just be a fluffy read that would make me smile for 30ish minutes. However, I was really inspired with how it wove more serious topics into the fantasy. My only quim was how the plot itself sometimes dragged and it felt like the artwork was doing more.

Any of these books interest you? Lemme know!

**Faye, Faraway was an ARC I read through Net Galley.

I've read close to 200 books in 2020, so naturally I picked up a few that didn't mesh well with me. There's been a recent surge of hate for this type of post/video in the book community (mainly in the author circles) which I find rather idiotic. Reading is incredibly subjective and as someone who would call themselves a book reviewer, I feel obliged to mention the books that I hated just as I mention the ones I love. You may have a favourite book on this list and that's perfectly fine. Whatever I may not of liked about the plot, writing, or whatever, you might just adore. Example: I love Normal People by Sally Rooney and so many people hate that book, which, you guessed it! Is perfectly fine! I mean no hate towards the authors of these books, they simply landed on the bottom of my list of books I read this year. Let's get on with the post.

1. Fledgling
Octavia E. Butler  

A vampire (in the body of a literal female child) wakes up with no memory of her former life and is taken in by a 23-year-old man who is immediately infatuated with her. Together, they try and piece together her former life. I adore Kindred, the author's other novel that was released in 1979. However, Fledgling fell so damn flat. Not only did the overall "romantic" plot creep me out (A 20 something man feeling attraction for what they desire as a 13-year-old looking girl? No), but the actual plot was incredibly boring. It was mostly just a court case of Vampire rights where nothing of importance happened. I DNF'd with 30 pages to go and I still don't feel like I missed out on anything. It saddens me as, like I've said multiple times on this blog, Kindred is one of my favourite books. It's brilliantly written with a cast of incredible characters. I don't know what happened in regards to Fledgling. 

You may like this if... You enjoy heavy politics in your supernatural books, slow burn stories, and/or you want to read all of Butler's novels.

2. I Know Who You Are
Alice Feeney 

As with most domestic thrillers, this is a 'who done it?" plot with a dead husband, a unreliable wife, and the foundation for a terrible marriage. I hated this book, oh my, I hated it. Not only was the writing the bare minimum of basic, but there were so many questionable plot decisions that were borderline offensive to the trans community. The big twist was in relation to incest, which.. ew, David. It left me with a horrible taste in my mouth and I majorly regret pushing myself into finishing it. I think I'm done with Alice Feeney's work as I also didn't enjoy Sometimes I Lie, which had a rape attempt that was entirely looked past in the novel. I feel like the author replies too heavily on trying to shock the reader instead of actually putting logic into her plot twists. Not for me.

You may like this if... You enjoyed Sometimes I Lie. (that's literally all)

3. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles 
Haruki Murakami

Toru Okada is searching for his wife's missing cat, but soon he is looking for his wife who has also vanished under mysterious circumstances. This is one wacky novel, the plot goes to so many insane places that I truly only knew what was happening 50% of the time. However, I could've looked past the truly peculiar plot if it wasn't for the writing itself. If I never read another description of a woman's chest size again, I'll be happy. There's a teenage girl character who befriends the protagonist, which.. felt so questionable. He was continuously checking out her bikini clad body, because of course she's in a bikini, and yet mentions repeatedly that she's underaged. I also didn't like how Murakami made most of the women childlike, and yet sexualized them through the eyes of Toru. 

You may like this if... you enjoy wacky translated novels, you can look past sexism in books, you enjoy Murakami's writing style.

4. The Lonely Hearts Hotel
Heather O' Neill 

Rose and Pierrot are both abandoned at an orphanage in 1914. There, they experience abuse - sexual and physical - and eventually leave to forge their own paths, yet they're always hoping they'll find each-other again. Their longing for one another is the driving force behind this coming-of-age story that has elements of magical realism. I picked this up solely because of the abundance of comparisons that people do between The Night Circus and this. And.. okay, yes, I see why someone would recommend one if you liked the other, but instead of the gentle gorgeous world that was crafted in The Night Circus, The Lonely Hearts Hotel mainly focuses on the darkness of life. I hated how grim this novel was, especially as it didn't seem to have a clear direction. It was depressing, after depressing, with a hefty amount of abuse in various forms (sexual, mental, physical). I wanted to wash my body each time I picked this up, just because of how gritty it made me feel. I could look past that if I felt like that was the intention of the author, but instead it seemed to be trying to be.. romantic? If you want to read my full review, check HERE.

You may like this if... you enjoy very dark/gloomy contemporaries, you adore Julie Whelan as a narrator on audiobooks, you want a mix of The Night Circus, A Little Life, and the Wayward Children series. (I say that adoring all 3 books, but hating this. So take that with a grain of salt.)

5. Peter Pan
J. M. Barrie

Peter Pan and Tinker Bell whisk away three children to the magical place Neverland. There, they go on a dangerous adventure against the villainous Captain Hook. I get that not all children's classics will of aged well, but boy, did Peter Pan absolutely crash and burn. Not only was it incredibly sexist toward Wendy, but.. it made no sense. The story was so peculiar that I'm still not entirely sure what happened. Peter was insufferable and I repeatedly wished for the ability to give him a smack. Finishing Peter Pan felt the same as finishing a plate of poorly cooked pasta and regretting all your life choices. I would never recommend this to anyone, and I would most definitely never read this to my future children. This edition is beautiful, and that's honestly the only thing it has going for it.

You might like this if... You enjoy reading children's classics, you love the movie and want to experience the book.

6. Luster
Raven Leilani 

A young black woman starts an affair with a married man, but after her luck gets nonexistent, the man's wife invites her to stay with the family. I'm honestly so confused as to why this book is so popular within the book community. Not only was the writing very simplistic, but the characters were all godawful. There were no redeemable qualities about Edie, the protagonist, unlike say Queenie or Grown Ups, wherein the main character has a notable growth throughout the novel. I never found myself caring for anyone in this book, so when plot points would happen I felt.. nothing. With a contemporary that's primarily focused on mental health or character development, you have to care or else it will always become a 2 star read. I may just be in the minority with this, but yes.

You might like this if.. you gave Queenie a high rating, you don't mind not liking any characters in your reads, or you want a controversial bookclub pick.

So, 6 bad books out of what is currently 182? Not bad at all! What book from this list would you still pick up? Let me know. 

1. Know My Name
Chanel Miller

I don't think a non-fiction has ever been my favourite book of the entire year, but here we are. Know My Name is a gut-wrenching memoir by a woman who survived sexual assault and went through the rape trail that divided America. Chanel Miller is a strong, artistic, intelligent, wonderful human being and she really showed that through the words in this book. I never thought a book could be so mutually heartbreaking and uplifting, but somehow this inspiring woman managed to do that. I listened to this as an audiobook and I urge you to do the same, the author narrates it herself, and to hear her speak the words of her story herself is breathtaking. Though this memoir is mostly about the assault that changed her life, it's also a journey of a young girl finding herself again after she was robbed of the girl she used to be. In a similar vain as Cheryl Strayed struggling with the passing of her mother in Wild, this is a self-discovery novel. Chanel Miller never shy's away from writing about her depression and anxiety with a bluntness that can be truly difficult to read about, and yet, we have to. If you've survived a sexual assault or struggle with your mental health or simply want to read a book by a remarkable woman, pick up Know My Name. I cried, smiled, and my skin is permanently changed after the amount of goosebumps the writing gave me. 

2. Magic Lessons
Alice Hoffman

Magic Lessons is the prequel to both Practical Magic and The Rules of Magic. If you've never heard of the books, I guarantee that a good portion of you have watched the Practical Magic movie adaptation starring Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock. Yes! That one, this is the book series that inspired that magical movie. I read The Rules of Magic earlier this year and didn't love it as much as I hoped to, but was entertained. Alice Hoffman's novels always read like a Pinterest board and that book fell heavily into it. A lot of substance without much payoff, if that makes any sense. So.. I digress, when I saw Magic Lessons on Net Galley I instantly requested and then regretted it. What if it was a bit boring? Alas, it turned out to be my second favourite book of the entire year. We love a Cinderella story! Magic Lessons takes us all the way back to the 1600's to when Maria Owens was born. A naturally gifted witch whose life takes her on many journeys - some wonderful and some heartbreaking. As a little girl she learns to hone her skills with a fellow witch who takes the orphan in, and as a teenager she gets her first taste of love and it consumes her, even when it takes her to Salem during the witch trials. How did she come to curse the entire line of Owens without love? Read and find out. You could quite easily read this series in reverse order, which I might do sometime next year as a reread adventure, so please.. if you enjoy witchy books, mother/daughter dynamics, romance, or historical fiction, immediately add this to your TBR! 

3. Anxious People
Fredrik Backman

Are we surprised that a Fredrik Backman book is on here? Nope! Backman is a auto-buy author for me, I adore his contemporaries and short stories. There's no other way of describing his books other than unashamedly human. So, when his new book was released and I got approved for it on NetGalley I instantly began reading and.. yup, it's taken over Beartown as my favourite book by the Swedish author. Anxious People is about a group of people who get held up at gunpoint during an apartment viewing and the many ways that being human can save you. The main aspect of this book that I really enjoyed was the intertwined lives of all the characters, I think it was done beautifully and really made me think about how such small things you do in your day can impact someone else. Suicide is a heavy topic in this novel and Backman manages to write about it with such grace and yet honesty. I have never felt so seen before in a book, and that's priceless. I finished the last chapter and instantly reread it. If that's not a sign of a absolute adoration of a book, I don't know what is. 

4. Such A Fun Age
Kiley Reid

This book took Bookstagram by storm earlier this year. I was seeing it everywhere so instantly got it from my library because I like to read what's making the rounds. And.. wow. I'm still awed that this was a debut novel. Such A Fun Age is about Emira Tucker, a young black woman who babysits a white child one evening and is accused of kidnapping. Hearing about the incident the mother of the child, Alix Chamberlain, takes it upon herself to try and change Emira's life - even if it means not listening to the girl. This book, at heart, is about performative activism. It's a look at race, wealth, and definitely delves into the 'white savior' complex. But it's also a very easy read. It reminded me a lot of Celeste Ng's writing, where the topic is heavy and yet the reading experience is light. It's remarkable that a first time author manages to accomplish that. I really liked how well developed Alix and Emira were, and I thought that the author did a swell job at not boxing either of them into stereotypes. The ending was a little rushed, but overall, a really solid book that I would reread. I think it would make for a great mini series. 

5. My Dark Vanessa
Kate Elizabeth Russell 

This dark contemporary is about a young girl who gets groomed by her professor and the effect that it has on her life. Vanessa is a teenager when her professor starts 'flirting' with her, intimidated by his maturity and wanting to feel beautiful, she mistakes his infatuation for love. Years later, she's an adult and the #MeToo movement is bringing out the brave, women everywhere are coming out with their sexual assault stories. When another girl comes forward with allegations against the professor, Vanessa's professor, it causes Vanessa to revisit her past and see their relationship in another light. It's hard to write about a book like this and not compare it to Lolita, heck, Lolita is a heavy theme throughout this novel. It's both different and the same. Lolita seems to glorify the taboo romance, whereas My Dark Vanessa is a very intimate look at a victims mentality throughout the relationship. The mix of past and present was done seamlessly, and the author did a wonderful job at writing a layered character. This would be a great book club book.

6. From Scratch: A Memoir of Love, Sicily, and Finding Home
Tembi Locke

Memoirs are tricky things to give a synopsis of as, well, they're about the authors life. However, From Scratch is about Tembi Locke's journey of learning to find love in life again after losing her husband to cancer. Her and her daughter spend their Summers in Sicily with her late husband's family, and together they grieve. Do you ever randomly pick up a book and it blindsides you with just how wonderful it is? That was this book for me. The grief that this book radiated broke my heart into smithereens. I'd never heard of Tembi Locke through her acting (though Eureka is on my 'to watch' list), I didn't even know she was a popular actress when starting From Scratch. I was expecting a memoir focused on grief, and instead I got a book that, yes, spoke about loss, but it also delved into motherhood, the beauty of food, new beginnings, and the process of learning to find joy again. I lost my Grandmother last year and this book came to me at just the right time. Tembi Locke is an admirable woman who's strength astonishes me. In the physical book there are recipes woven into the chapters, I think (?), so I'm interested in giving this a reread in that format as I went with the audiobook on Scribd. Read this.

7. The Midnight Library
Matt Haig

A woman who tries to kill herself instead wakes up in a library filled to the brim with variations of her life had she made different choices. The librarian gives her the chance to "try on" each life to find a happier existence. And the award for the most original premise goes to... This is such a fun yet interesting idea for a book. I was worried it wouldn't be executed well, but it was wonderful. In the same vain as Anxious People, The Midnight Library is such a poetically quiet book. It's such a beautiful look at humanity and I think Haig did a marvelous job at writing from the POV of someone who wants to end their life. I loved how gradual the protagonist's view on life changed, it never felt rushed or unrealistic. It was just an all round beautiful novel that I urge anyone to pick up. I definitely need to read more Matt Haig.

8. Take A Hint, Dani Brown
Talia Hibbert 

Danika Brown is focused on her career and has no time for romance. She wants toe-curling sex without any strings attached. Easy! However, Zafir Ansari, the handsome security guard of her workplace, is a brooding romantic. When a video goes viral of Zafir carrying Dani out of a building in a fire drill gone wrong, he begs her to play along in a bid to stir up some publicity for a charity he runs. You can guess what happens next. I liked Get A Life, Chloe Brown, the first book in The Brown Sisters trilogy, but I didn't love it. My expectations were too high for the Fibromyalgia rep, so naturally, it fell short. However, Take A Hint, Dani Brown was a bundle of joy. Despite Talia Hibbert's books usually being centered around a romance, she does weave more serious topics into the story. In this, Zafir has anxiety and, in my opinion, the portrayal of panic attacks in the book was incredible. I've never read a more accurate portrayal of anxiety in fiction. It felt like a weighted blanket of understanding. I also really liked that Dani was bisexual and yet it wasn't just to fuel a plot. As a couple, I 110% bought Dani and Zafir together. They were steamy, sweet, and bettered one another. They had a very mature romance, which you don't always see in this genre. I adored it.

9. The Housekeeper and the Professor
Yōko Ogawa

Each morning the Housekeeper and the Professor meet for the first time. After a tragic car accident that resulted in the Professor only having a 80 minute memory, he is a recluse at home and the Housekeeper is hired to take care of him. Slowly, a strange but beautiful friendship builds between the two unlikely allies. This is a quiet novel that is so potently beautiful. I grew to deeply care for the characters despite the short length (191 pages). In many ways, the writing of this reminded me of Fredrick Backman's way of writing. It was subtle and yet full of endearment for humanity. If this has been on your reading radar at all, I urge you to pick it up. It's well worth your time. 

10. Black Flamingo
Dean Atta 

Michael, a young half-Jamaican half-Greek Cyprian is a young man struggling to come to terms with his identity. We follow his story from boyhood to university, and learn how his life leads him to discovered drag and becoming The Black Flamingo. This novel is mostly written in verse, but it has illustrations and poetry woven throughout the story. These type of books always seem to get compared to one another (The Poet X, Clap When You Land, Punching the Air) but I think that's awful. Each book has it's own story to tell, and Black Flamingo has touched my heart the most. I cried, I laughed, and I grew deeply fond of Michael. 

11. Anne of Green Gables
L. M. Montgomery

When 11-year-old Anne Shirly is mistakenly dropped off with spinster Marilla and bachelor Matthew Cuthbert, she turns their lives upside down with an array of funny antics. There is no more accurate word to describe this children's classic other than delightful! As a protagonist Anne was a pure joy, her whimsical personality and amusing interactions with other characters literally made me laugh out loud. I was honestly surprised by how feminism forward this book was, given that it was first published in 1908. You could take Marilla out of this book and put her into a recent release and she'd fit in fine. (Can she adopt me?) I knew this was going to be a fun read, but I didn't expect it to elevate my mood as much as it did. If you're feeling down, I wholeheartedly recommend you read this. I'm kicking myself for not picking this up sooner.

12. Girl, Woman, Other
Bernadine Evaristo  

Spanning over several decades, Girl, Woman, Other, is told through twelve narratives of mostly black women. We get snippets of their lives and learn how all their stories are woven together. This was a book that grew on me the longer I sat with it on my mind. When I initially read it, I think my expectations were so high that it was always going to disappoint me. However, I read this novel months and months ago and yet I still think about it often. Bernadine Evaristo did a wonderful job at writing such a large cast of characters, and yet they were all vividly unique. This was undoubtedly the best written book I read in 2020, it empowered me as a woman in a way that I didn't know fiction could. This would make a epic bookclub pick.

So, that's a wrap on the best books I read in 2020! What book topped your list? Let me know!