Starhill || A Short Story
8/22/2016
"I love you, silly girl." You saying those words for the first time are so vivid to me that it seems like only yesterday. We were sitting right here, on this hill that we claimed as our own. You named it Starhill when you had accidentally stumbled across this spot during a hike with friends. You chose the name as you could practically count the galaxy when laying on the grass. We'd look up for hours on end, getting lost in the immensity of it. But now as I gaze up at the beauty that is the night sky, mist appears to cover the bewitchment of the stars from my vision. There are a rare few bright dots that make it through refusing to dim, but they still remain blurred. I wonder whether the brightness of them had always been this weak, and I had simply failed to notice before due to your presence at my side. Everything had seemed brighter with you.
Thunder cracks. Rain begins to drizzle, causing my clothes to stick to me like a second skin. I rejoice at the shiver it sends down my spine. A feeling. Uncomfortable, bitter. My fingers grow numb. Good or bad, this place was alive with sensations. It always had been. I blink back against the water that lands on my colourless face, and then I realise.. the stars weren't blurred from the misty clouds. I was crying.
You had brought me here on our second outing as friends. I was taken back by the beauty that blanketed us. I had asked why we wasted our time hanging out at my place if you had this type of location to offer, and you had laughed. "I don't bring anyone here." My eyes involuntarily rolled in your direction, my smile refusing to waver. We had been like this for the few days we had known each other. Flirtation, banter, yet.. tenderness. I had never met anyone like you. You were this rarity of a friend and I had never been more at ease around someone. We shared a kiss the night before that outing, but neither one of us had mentioned it since. I had asked you to stay with me in a hushed whisper, my lips still caressing yours with every word said. I couldn't find the strength to pull back. You had agreed. We proceeded to climb into my hand-me-down single bed with the floral sheets. Your warm breath tickled the top of my head, and our limbs automatically entwined to get comfortable in the small amount of space we shared. I'd drooled a little on your chest and you had woken me at 03:17am snoring. You also had a tendency to kick the sheets off your caramel skinned body, but I had yet to learn that. It was perfectly imperfect.
"I bet you say that to all the girls." I had teased you, arms lifting at my sides as I twirled on the spot. My chiffon lilac dress fanning around me. I danced a lot back then, it was my freedom. You later became my freedom. You caught me before I had time for a second spin, those hands that would one day save lives as a paramedic wrapping around my slender waist, the same waist that you would later trail kisses down as I cried about my hatred toward my body to you. My blue hues caught yours, falling into those depths that resembled the colour of espresso. They were pools of warmth, indescribable warmth. "As a matter of fact, no, I haven't brought anybody here. And this wasn't planned. But when I woke up this morning, half choking on your hair mind." You wrapped a lock of my auburn hair between your fingers as if to emphasis your point, and chuckled. "Hair that smells of blueberries but does not taste of them. Rather disappointing. I digress."
"I do that a lot." I blurted out.
"Digress?"
I nod, nails biting into my palms not yet sure whether I could rest them on your chest. "Digress. Babble. Yes. I always have done, since I was very small. My father used to say that I had a tendency to do it when I was beyond happy or nervous. Could've been worse, I knew children who threw up when nervous, or, at least in the school plays and dance recitals. Luckily I was just the annoying loon who couldn't keep her trap shut due to nerves. Or happiness. Probably nerves."
You smirked, lower lip rolling inward as your tongue caressed it. The action created a crate of butterflies to be released in my stomach. "Which is it now? Nerves or happiness?" A crease formed between my brows and pulled them in as if they were on strings, confusion clouding over me for the few seconds it took me to realise what you meant. I had babbled. My first babble to you. You'd later tell me that this moment was when you fell for me. My lips formed into an 'O' shape, unable to find the right words to mask my embarrassment. You laughed and right then, mid laugh, that's when we shared our first proper kiss.
Twelve days later, I officially became your girl.
August 14th. It was a Saturday. We had been together for three months. You'd been living with me for a few weeks, and we clicked perfectly. Our routines moulded around each other, and there was no effort required. We adjusted to our new life together as if it were a single dance move, we perfected it after a handful of tries. I hadn't slept again the previous night due to all those problems that plagued me back then. - I can't imagine the day that I will ever not regret putting you through that. I'm so incredibly sorry, sweetheart. I will apologise to my grave. No man should carry that amount of worry with him, I can't help but wonder whether that was partly why we lost.
You had asked me if I would like to visit Starhill as you had a day off, that of which would become a rarity for us in a matter of years. I had eagerly agreed and a 42 minute car ride later, we found ourselves on a chequered blanket laying right where I am now. The surprise picnic you had hidden in the trunk before we arrived was spread out between us, and we took turns warming our hands with the thermos filled with hot coffee, which we then drank out of paper cups that you had "borrowed” from the hospital cafeteria. 'Can you envision a future with me?' you abruptly asked, causing my head to turn in your direction. I was about to taunt you for being so silly, but that look in your eyes told me that you were being serious.
"That shouldn't be the question. I'm sadly not talented in the arts of knowing the future. But can I envision a future without you? No. And that equally thrills and terrifies me."
"I'm not going to leave you." You suddenly said. Voicing it so simply, as if you were saying that you were going to get pineapple on your pizza. Or that you prefer Coke over Pepsi. No hesitation, just a statement.
"You can't know that." I argued. Always the debater.
"No, but I know what's in my heart and I couldn't go a day without knowing you. Without knowing how you were. It would drive me insane." You shook your head as if the thought was too troubling to even think about.
"You have work." Some days, even back then, I wouldn't see you due to your obligations at the hospital. You often found it easier to sleep there as the 2 hour commute was exhausting you. I always understood, but it was tough. I often questioned whether you had enough time to juggle both your training and us. You told me that we would always come first, as a man is nothing without love. But still, I wondered if your life would be simpler if you didn't have to factor me in.
"I'll always find time for us." you said, mirroring my thoughts.
"Distance will come between us." I, again, argued. But you so easily dismissed it.
"It won't be easy. But just the thought of knowing I might be with you tomorrow, is enough to get me through any day without you."
"You're a cup half full type of guy. I can't do that." I sighed, pushing myself upwards. You followed suit.
"I'll teach you."
"I'm a terrible student."
"Silly." You sighed, budging onto your knees and bringing me up to mirror your position. I was looking down at our now entwined hands, unable to meet your eyes. Knowing you would see the amount of fear behind my own. "Look at me." you softly asked. "Please."
I begrudgingly did, my throat bobbing in the process. "I love you. Nothing more, nothing less. I love you."
"I love you too." How I wish my voice hadn't cracked saying that. Whereas you, well, you smiled so brightly I thought the sky would turn a darker shade in comparison. Even your voice seemed to echo your happiness. "Thank you, silly. Now please do me the honour of standing up." I blinked once, twice, a third time. "Huh?" Confusion wound around my insides like a ribbon. You emitted a chuckle and led me onto my feet using our hands as leverage. "Don't fret, I just have something I need to do." I held my breath as you knelt down on one knee. Your left knee, to be precise. Not that it matters, but I remember thinking 'why not the right?'. It's strange what our brain does to us in a moment of shock.
"Sweetheart, from this moment forth, I promise to love you and protect you every single day. For the length of our forever. I promise to always be at your side, through happiness and sadness, passing no judgement. Only love. Will you do me the honour of marrying me?" Tears flew down my cheeks at lightening speed, all while my lips broke into the kind of smile that I often wonder whether I will ever be able to recreate. "Yes. Yes!"
Even now my throat bobs at the memory. My palms sink into the damp grass as I lean back and greedily gulp down the cool air to push down the bile that's risen in my throat. The silence is eerie, darkness casting shadows over everything that was once a beckon of love for us. Our place - where we fell for each other over the course of those many sleepless nights. A lack of sleep became second nature to me during our relationship, I became codependent on your company at nightfall. A truly terrible thing. By the time you were home and half asleep, I had unintentionally woken myself up. You could always sleep without me.
Our last night on this hill was the very same night that the credits began to roll on our story.
We'd been at Starhill for roughly an hour. It had been my idea to come, and I hated that you were reluctant. You used to jump at the chance, yet now it seemed like an inconvenience. You had been working away from home for the past few days and this was your first night back. I immediately felt bad and retracted my suggestion, instead saying we could stay at home and relax, but that only seemed to fuel your frustration. It had been like this for months. We would stay at home falling into our usual routine, and you'd seem disheartened by the familiarity of it all. Yet when I'd suggest change, you'd deem it a nuisance given your schedule. I didn't know what you wanted, and I, myself, had grown tired of asking you. It seemed you didn't even know what you wanted. But I knew what I wanted – you. So we sat there at our spot, exchanging small talk, showing vague signs of emotion, sharing quiet laughter. The new us. The wrong us.
Then you did the unthinkable, you asked me how I was. You see, my love, I had spent the entirety of the precious days, the days you hadn't called, crying over what we had become. Loneliness acting like rust on my insides, spreading within minutes. It was eating me alive. All I had wanted was a few minutes with you. Your words. Yet, as you sat there beside me and asked the question that I had longed to hear from you, I realised that I didn't want to tell you. Not out of secrecy, but because I knew you didn't care. You weren't asking because you wanted the answer, you were asking out of habit. You know how I knew such a thing? I didn't answer, and you didn't notice.
To this day I don't know whether I intended to say the following words to you, or if it was merely a thought that got accidentally voiced. "Maybe we need a break."
It was out there, and it felt like a bolder had been lifted off of my chest, only to be thrown back on.
I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't for you to simply look at me. Not saying a single word. You didn't look angry, sad, or even surprised. You just looked at the woman, me, who you had once claimed to be your soulmate. I continued talking to fill the silence, pouring out my heart to you for the second time on this hill. "I don't think you miss me any more, which is inevitable. We've been together for 5 years and we've been incredible. But for a couple to move forward at all, both parties have to try and show some effort. I understand that you're busy, and I'm so proud of you for all the good you have done. I love you beyond words. I was willing to wait for you, and I still am. But I can't live my life always waiting for the phone to ring, to make me feel not alone. It isn't fair on either of us. You are able to offer us more, but you refuse to. Perhaps you need time away, or time to think.. To decide what it is you want from us. I just feel like I've already lost you and I don't know why."
"I'm sorry. I don't know for what exactly, but I just seem to always let you down. I care about you, a lot. And I love you.. I do. But I can't make promises. I don't know if we can make this work with the distance, and I don't know if we can make this a constant reality. I've made you wait for over 5 years. It bothers me. All this time, you could've been with someone who could hold you whenever they liked. Protected you in the way that you need. You could be in a relationship that isn't built up of texts and missed phone calls." you tugged harshly on your hair, in that way you always did when stressed. My hand itched to reach out and stop you, but my arm felt like led at my side. I had no control. "Maybe we need time. You need time. I need time."
I could hear my heart in my ears as you stood, towering over me. My chest felt tight and the world appeared to become hazy in front of my eyes. You lent down and pressed those lips I loved against the crown of my head, a tender kiss that I still felt lingering there days later. Your tone was barely above a whisper and I strained to hear it. "I'm sorry, silly. I love you, always will."
Maybe I should of stood and demanded to be heard. Maybe I ought to of pleaded with you to stay. Maybe I should've let the tears fall. But I did nothing. I just sat there. I sat there and watched as you left. The part that broke my heart was that you didn't stop to look back. Why would you? You were doing as I had suggested. You were walking away for me.
Your stuff was gone when I got home.
I called the following day but you didn't pick up. So I sent you a text that consisted of two words: 'I'm sorry.' You were always a gentleman, and even during a time like that you replied. Rather ironic seen as you never found the time to reply when I'd say I missed you, but you had time to say goodbye. I took the 42 minute trip to read it here, at our spot. I was always a creature of habit. I wouldn't open the little numbered envelope on my phone until I was sat on this sodding hill. I must have read the text ten times over; 'I'm sorry for disappearing on you. I need time. You were right. I need to think about everything. I hope you're well and please take care. I'm thinking about you. Always.'
Hours pass, my paled body is shivering and the rain has picked up, but I have absolutely no idea how to leave. I promised myself one more trip. One more evening spent here. But as I look around at what holds large amounts of our history, I find myself frozen. How can a human let go of something that was once their safe haven? How did you?
I stare down at my phone and at your message, my numb thumb very slowly tapping that empty white box to type. Then I do exactly that.. I type. I type what I know will be my final words to you.
'I'm at our place in the world, and it doesn't shine as brightly without you. Not surprisingly. I hope you're doing well.. I'm not going to know where your life will lead, I came to that conclusion today. I won't know if you meet someone, if you have children, where your career will lead, whether you'll ever get that suit dry cleaned that I kept nagging you about. It's strange. It's like half of me is still lost in this fucked up thing we call a world, and I don't know what happened to me. I would wish for the ability to turn back the clock and fix whatever it was that broke us, but in all honesty.. I still don’t know what moment defined our end. Maybe it was me, maybe it was you. I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care any more. You want to know something funny? You are continuing to be the one I long for in most circumstances. Even the insignificant little ones. Not because I loved you so tremendously, but because you were the only one I had. You were my friend. Silence solves nothing. This isn't a break, is it? It's our end.'
I stare down at my screen, and don't send the message - the same message that I've written a hundred times before. Instead I switch off my phone, get up, and look at the view before my eyes one last time. My eyes are dry and scratchy from crying. I'm soaked through to my bones. My breathing is still unsteady, and my nails are filthy from digging into the flesh of the ground. But I'm standing on my own. And a second later, I turn my back and walk away from it all.
Starhill. The place we fell together. And eventually, the place we fell apart.
- Anne x
Are you stuck for something fun to do during these remaining weeks of Summer? Do you like pleasant views, boats and wildlife? Then do read on..
I'm from North Wales (incase the bio didn't give it away). When my partner visited me, it was already decided that we were going to do a day trip to Beaumaris. A major perk being, he has a fondness for bird watching. For years I've heard things about the trips you can take around Puffin Island but have never done one myself. So, as you can guess, we did one together. Not knowing how full up they'd be, I booked our tickets online at Starida a few weeks in advance. It was a mighty risk given the PMSing ways of British weather, but it thankfully paid off. The sun was shining over us all day long. If you aren't willing to take the gamble, you can buy tickets at the Starida kiosk on the pier on the day you wish to go. It cost a total £18 for two adults, but the prices do vary so double-check on the site prior to taking my word for it.
The cruise itself lasts for roughly 1 hour and 15 minutes, but you have to be at the kiosk 30 minutes in advance to pick up your tickets. You may think that's annoying but believe me, once you're seated with the steady motion of the water as your view - you'll think these 30 minutes are a perk to the trip. It most certainly added to the overall experience.
The cruise itself was lovely, you get a fair amount of time circling Puffin Island and the journey was smooth. The crew were friendly and happy to assist you in anything. Upon sitting down you are offered a blanket - which I would 100% recommend accepting, even if you don't feel cold at the particular moment. The Captain appeared really friendly and came to greet us all after we had docked. It was an all round great experience.
Ironically, we didn't see that many Puffin's (which was apparently rare.. yay for us being a special group?), but we did see an array of species of birds, many seals, and fish. But to me the best part was the scenery, as it was beyond beautiful. So if you aren't big on birds, fear not. The view enough is worth the price. Starida offers an array of outings to choose from - from wildlife, photography speciality cruises, fishing trips to speed boats. They have something to suit any party. Have a browse here and see if anything peaks your interest.
First the photos, and then my handy-dandy list for you if you're thinking of doing a cruise. Enjoy!
Things I'd recommend taking with you:
Camera: Duh, right? But you will want to capture some of the moments whether it be with a fancy professional camera or your trusty phone, just make sure you aren't looking through the lens for the entirety of the ride. Take a moment to appreciate the calmness of the water, the laughter of families, and the pleasant sounds of the wildlife going about their day. Your mind can capture a moment and etch it into your memory too, not everything has to be proven by a Facebook photo.
Fluids: This was one we didn't do ourselves but I'd suggest it. Take a small bottle of water or whatnot in your bag, you may be thankful for it. If you have children, they may appreciate some snacks. Maybe even kick it up a notch and take some hot chocolate (or coffee) in a thermos, your hands will certainly like the warmth if you don't end up drinking it.
Glasses: Both sunglasses and prescription (if you require them). I was not the brightest of the bunch (I blame the early morning) and didn't think of taking my glasses as I only need them for long vision at home. But when you're mistaking a seal for a rock, you'll be wishing for them. Better to be safe than sorry. And the sunglasses are self explanatory - it'll be bright. Nobody wants to be squinting against the sun for an hour.
Change: May be obvious but you're expected/asked politely to tip the Captain and crew at the end of the trip. They don't make it awkward in the slightest if you can't/don't, but it is polite to do so. If you're like me and often just carry a card to save the hassle of change, make a note to take a few coins in your pocket.
Binoculars: If you already own them, bring them. If not, it's no biggie. Might just be handy.
Bonus recommendations:
As you're walking onto the boat, sit to your right. You'll be more up close to the Island itself. It's a shame that the boat doesn't circle the Island with a change of direction so both sides of the boat get to view the scenery up close without majority of the view being the backs of peoples heads, but I wholeheartedly put that down to time limitations.
If you're fond of stories and like to hear about the history of the Island and boat, sit in the front. Though they have a megaphone on the boat that ought to help the Captain's voice travel to the back, it is semi difficult to hear him over the water, wind and people's discussions. So definitely sit near the front. The stories themselves are a lovely touch and though he must recite the same stories countless times a year, he doesn't once sound it. You feel as though you are the first lot to take the cruise.
My fondest memory of the trip is the ride back to the dock. Everyone was off their phones/cameras, the excitement had buzzed down leaving everyone contently quiet, children were happy as they ate the snacks their parents had brought along, the elderly couple sat opposite to us were no longer staring through binoculars, instead they held hands and laughed quietly at their whispered conversation, the crew guy who had been up and down throughout the journey was leaning against the front of the boat and was the epitome of peaceful.. It was all perfect. That was the moment I wish I could of photographed.
***Bloggers note: I started this blog post back in May but completely forgot (I'm catching my friend's Dory brain), I thought I'd upload it anyway as the recommendation still stands and I didn't want my partner's photos to go to waste.
I'm from North Wales (incase the bio didn't give it away). When my partner visited me, it was already decided that we were going to do a day trip to Beaumaris. A major perk being, he has a fondness for bird watching. For years I've heard things about the trips you can take around Puffin Island but have never done one myself. So, as you can guess, we did one together. Not knowing how full up they'd be, I booked our tickets online at Starida a few weeks in advance. It was a mighty risk given the PMSing ways of British weather, but it thankfully paid off. The sun was shining over us all day long. If you aren't willing to take the gamble, you can buy tickets at the Starida kiosk on the pier on the day you wish to go. It cost a total £18 for two adults, but the prices do vary so double-check on the site prior to taking my word for it.
The cruise itself lasts for roughly 1 hour and 15 minutes, but you have to be at the kiosk 30 minutes in advance to pick up your tickets. You may think that's annoying but believe me, once you're seated with the steady motion of the water as your view - you'll think these 30 minutes are a perk to the trip. It most certainly added to the overall experience.
The cruise itself was lovely, you get a fair amount of time circling Puffin Island and the journey was smooth. The crew were friendly and happy to assist you in anything. Upon sitting down you are offered a blanket - which I would 100% recommend accepting, even if you don't feel cold at the particular moment. The Captain appeared really friendly and came to greet us all after we had docked. It was an all round great experience.
Ironically, we didn't see that many Puffin's (which was apparently rare.. yay for us being a special group?), but we did see an array of species of birds, many seals, and fish. But to me the best part was the scenery, as it was beyond beautiful. So if you aren't big on birds, fear not. The view enough is worth the price. Starida offers an array of outings to choose from - from wildlife, photography speciality cruises, fishing trips to speed boats. They have something to suit any party. Have a browse here and see if anything peaks your interest.
First the photos, and then my handy-dandy list for you if you're thinking of doing a cruise. Enjoy!
-
Camera: Duh, right? But you will want to capture some of the moments whether it be with a fancy professional camera or your trusty phone, just make sure you aren't looking through the lens for the entirety of the ride. Take a moment to appreciate the calmness of the water, the laughter of families, and the pleasant sounds of the wildlife going about their day. Your mind can capture a moment and etch it into your memory too, not everything has to be proven by a Facebook photo.
Fluids: This was one we didn't do ourselves but I'd suggest it. Take a small bottle of water or whatnot in your bag, you may be thankful for it. If you have children, they may appreciate some snacks. Maybe even kick it up a notch and take some hot chocolate (or coffee) in a thermos, your hands will certainly like the warmth if you don't end up drinking it.
Glasses: Both sunglasses and prescription (if you require them). I was not the brightest of the bunch (I blame the early morning) and didn't think of taking my glasses as I only need them for long vision at home. But when you're mistaking a seal for a rock, you'll be wishing for them. Better to be safe than sorry. And the sunglasses are self explanatory - it'll be bright. Nobody wants to be squinting against the sun for an hour.
Change: May be obvious but you're expected/asked politely to tip the Captain and crew at the end of the trip. They don't make it awkward in the slightest if you can't/don't, but it is polite to do so. If you're like me and often just carry a card to save the hassle of change, make a note to take a few coins in your pocket.
Binoculars: If you already own them, bring them. If not, it's no biggie. Might just be handy.
Bonus recommendations:
As you're walking onto the boat, sit to your right. You'll be more up close to the Island itself. It's a shame that the boat doesn't circle the Island with a change of direction so both sides of the boat get to view the scenery up close without majority of the view being the backs of peoples heads, but I wholeheartedly put that down to time limitations.
If you're fond of stories and like to hear about the history of the Island and boat, sit in the front. Though they have a megaphone on the boat that ought to help the Captain's voice travel to the back, it is semi difficult to hear him over the water, wind and people's discussions. So definitely sit near the front. The stories themselves are a lovely touch and though he must recite the same stories countless times a year, he doesn't once sound it. You feel as though you are the first lot to take the cruise.
My fondest memory of the trip is the ride back to the dock. Everyone was off their phones/cameras, the excitement had buzzed down leaving everyone contently quiet, children were happy as they ate the snacks their parents had brought along, the elderly couple sat opposite to us were no longer staring through binoculars, instead they held hands and laughed quietly at their whispered conversation, the crew guy who had been up and down throughout the journey was leaning against the front of the boat and was the epitome of peaceful.. It was all perfect. That was the moment I wish I could of photographed.
***Bloggers note: I started this blog post back in May but completely forgot (I'm catching my friend's Dory brain), I thought I'd upload it anyway as the recommendation still stands and I didn't want my partner's photos to go to waste.
Imagine waking up tomorrow in a world that appears to be the exact opposite of yours. You are no longer the person you have built yourself up to be. The identity you have claimed as your own has been lost. You're a stranger to yourself, your personality is unfamiliar to your loved ones, they expect things of you that you are not familiar with being. You can't blink and make yourself you again. You haven't even got a blank slate, as the "new" you has already drawn the cards you have to play with. Most things seem out of your hands. Refreshing, or horrendous? I suppose it depends on where you are in life and how much change you're willing to endure. For 17-year-old Ella Samson, it's the latter.
Everyone hates Mondays, but boy, did she have a bad one. The saying "Tomorrow is a new start." gets an entirely new meaning. Waking in a differently decorated bedroom than she fell asleep in, hair that is inches longer, the opposite style of clothes hanging in her wardrobe, strangers on her speed dial, no boyfriend, reclaimed virginity, and a living throwback to a complicated family life.. Everything had changed.
Sure, she didn't have the most adventurous or academically thrilling life before the surprising existence revamp, but she had one. It was hers. She may of not had a large group of friends or a big happy family unit, but she had people who cared for her. A friend who was like her long lost sister and a boyfriend whom she loved. Gone. All of it gone after one night. She doesn't even look like herself anymore. How can you trust yourself when it doesn't appear to be you in the mirror? To top it off, she keeps seeing a crazed old lady who nobody else can see. Is she going mad? Is madness the reason why she's no longer the girl she thought she was? Or is it a ghost? A personality transplant? A bad wish? Science?
This book wasn't what I was expecting in the slightest. At the back it reads "A tense and dark psychological thriller full of unexpected twists and turns about the random events and decisions that make us who we are.", and that it is. Though I wouldn't necessarily call it dark, but that may be due to my horror fascination. It's thrilling and most certainly a page turner. Most importantly.. It's clever. I may be overthinking it, but it seems like any complaint I can come up with has a "Ah! but maybe that was intentional because..." point. It makes your mind run a mile a minute and I loved that. The story is fast paced - maybe a little too much at a mere 261 pages - but it knows how to keep your interest peaked. And everything was wrapped up as it should be.
The characters are enjoyable, and the main character isn't an empty shell. Ella has a firm voice and isn't afraid to use it, which is always welcoming when a book is written in first person (my preferable style to read). She's mature but has some realistic narrow-minded moments that all 17-year-old's have. It was realistic. Any YA readers out there know that most of the time, it's the side characters that steal the spotlight - partly why I think so many books nowadays have prequels. But not this one. Her friend Deeta seems like an enjoyable character from the very few scenes we get to see her in action, but it's difficult to long with Ella for the friendship when we aren't overly familiar with it ourselves, yet I think that was the point (See what I mean by the whole "Ah!" point thing?). We only know Ella as the new Ella. We get brief flashbacks but we don't delve fully into her old life, we merely get her viewpoint of it all. We are learning alongside her about this new world she awoke into and that very possibly prevents us, as the readers, to get the two muddled. We are thrown into this world at the exact moment she is. We start the story with fear and panic and follow alongside her as she comes to terms and uncovers this mystery.
One thing I found refreshing was the relationship dynamic between Ella and Billy, in both her old and new world. It's been a long while since I've read a realistic portrayal of a (older?) teen relationship in a YA book. They aren't perfect and they aren't written in a way that people would yell "#Goals!" at. They have rough edges and they both treat each other questionably at times. They're learning how to love, like most first-time couples, and it's written excellently.
In a non-spoiler way, I want to briefly mention the ending. It wasn't what I was expecting, and three days later, I'm still left questioning whether it was the ending I wanted. Half of me wanted it to abruptly stop at the obvious moment you'll come to if/when you read the book. I wanted to be left questioning, yet at the same time, would that of infuriated me? I'll never know. Either way, the ending was enchanting. It was a satisfactory ending for the characters, and for us, the readers. It is somewhat open to interpretation and it left me with questions about the overall theorised notion that they touch upon during the story (that'll make sense if you('ve) read it. Otherwise I may just seem babble happy right now, which is alright by me).
Out of the entire book there was only one thing that bugged me and that was a certain dress the protagonist bought (the dress on the cover). It's a vital moment that brings the old Ella into her new world (at least to me), yet she never wears it. I was hoping it would be used for a crucial scene - maybe even the last? It isn't necessarily important, but it would've been a nice little touch.
I'll wrap this up now. But I leave you with a question.. Would you take on the new you that comes with new possibilities and run with it? Or would you mourn for the lost soul that may never of existed to begin with? It's a mind boggle and makes you question your place in this world, which I assume was Hilary Freeman's intention when writing this. Nowadays it's more and more common for us to have an identity crisis. Half of me ponders whether this is down to the unfathomable effect the Internet has on us. Before we could only compare ourselves to those we surrounded ourselves with but now, with the power of social media, we are bombarded daily with people doing better than us - which is completely normal and unavoidable, there will always be someone ranked higher than you, someone who looks differently, who has a higher number in their bank account, who appears to have better luck (but most people aren't going to put their downfalls online, right?), the grass is always greener, yada, yada - and don't get me wrong, many find it inspiring and the overall effect helps them in bettering themselves, but the rest of the browsers and constant refreshers? It's like beating yourself up from the inside out. No longer do we need a inner voice telling us that we aren't good enough, we can simply click on an Instagram post and see someone of our own age who is doing better, someone who appears to have a "perfect" lifestyle. Is social media acting as the chip on some of our shoulders? Does it make us long for the impossible, and in turn, cause us to long for the alternative version of ourselves?
If you like YA books, you have an open mind, and you like a little mystery in your reading time.. Go for it. I would recommend When I Was Me.
Next up I'm reading The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer by Michelle Hodkin as I've read some mixed reviews and curiosity got the Anne. If you've read either books mentioned in this post, feel free to get in touch and give me your thoughts! My email is RootingBranches@gmail.com and my twitter is RootingBranches.
Everyone hates Mondays, but boy, did she have a bad one. The saying "Tomorrow is a new start." gets an entirely new meaning. Waking in a differently decorated bedroom than she fell asleep in, hair that is inches longer, the opposite style of clothes hanging in her wardrobe, strangers on her speed dial, no boyfriend, reclaimed virginity, and a living throwback to a complicated family life.. Everything had changed.
Sure, she didn't have the most adventurous or academically thrilling life before the surprising existence revamp, but she had one. It was hers. She may of not had a large group of friends or a big happy family unit, but she had people who cared for her. A friend who was like her long lost sister and a boyfriend whom she loved. Gone. All of it gone after one night. She doesn't even look like herself anymore. How can you trust yourself when it doesn't appear to be you in the mirror? To top it off, she keeps seeing a crazed old lady who nobody else can see. Is she going mad? Is madness the reason why she's no longer the girl she thought she was? Or is it a ghost? A personality transplant? A bad wish? Science?
This book wasn't what I was expecting in the slightest. At the back it reads "A tense and dark psychological thriller full of unexpected twists and turns about the random events and decisions that make us who we are.", and that it is. Though I wouldn't necessarily call it dark, but that may be due to my horror fascination. It's thrilling and most certainly a page turner. Most importantly.. It's clever. I may be overthinking it, but it seems like any complaint I can come up with has a "Ah! but maybe that was intentional because..." point. It makes your mind run a mile a minute and I loved that. The story is fast paced - maybe a little too much at a mere 261 pages - but it knows how to keep your interest peaked. And everything was wrapped up as it should be.
The characters are enjoyable, and the main character isn't an empty shell. Ella has a firm voice and isn't afraid to use it, which is always welcoming when a book is written in first person (my preferable style to read). She's mature but has some realistic narrow-minded moments that all 17-year-old's have. It was realistic. Any YA readers out there know that most of the time, it's the side characters that steal the spotlight - partly why I think so many books nowadays have prequels. But not this one. Her friend Deeta seems like an enjoyable character from the very few scenes we get to see her in action, but it's difficult to long with Ella for the friendship when we aren't overly familiar with it ourselves, yet I think that was the point (See what I mean by the whole "Ah!" point thing?). We only know Ella as the new Ella. We get brief flashbacks but we don't delve fully into her old life, we merely get her viewpoint of it all. We are learning alongside her about this new world she awoke into and that very possibly prevents us, as the readers, to get the two muddled. We are thrown into this world at the exact moment she is. We start the story with fear and panic and follow alongside her as she comes to terms and uncovers this mystery.
One thing I found refreshing was the relationship dynamic between Ella and Billy, in both her old and new world. It's been a long while since I've read a realistic portrayal of a (older?) teen relationship in a YA book. They aren't perfect and they aren't written in a way that people would yell "#Goals!" at. They have rough edges and they both treat each other questionably at times. They're learning how to love, like most first-time couples, and it's written excellently.
In a non-spoiler way, I want to briefly mention the ending. It wasn't what I was expecting, and three days later, I'm still left questioning whether it was the ending I wanted. Half of me wanted it to abruptly stop at the obvious moment you'll come to if/when you read the book. I wanted to be left questioning, yet at the same time, would that of infuriated me? I'll never know. Either way, the ending was enchanting. It was a satisfactory ending for the characters, and for us, the readers. It is somewhat open to interpretation and it left me with questions about the overall theorised notion that they touch upon during the story (that'll make sense if you('ve) read it. Otherwise I may just seem babble happy right now, which is alright by me).
Out of the entire book there was only one thing that bugged me and that was a certain dress the protagonist bought (the dress on the cover). It's a vital moment that brings the old Ella into her new world (at least to me), yet she never wears it. I was hoping it would be used for a crucial scene - maybe even the last? It isn't necessarily important, but it would've been a nice little touch.
I'll wrap this up now. But I leave you with a question.. Would you take on the new you that comes with new possibilities and run with it? Or would you mourn for the lost soul that may never of existed to begin with? It's a mind boggle and makes you question your place in this world, which I assume was Hilary Freeman's intention when writing this. Nowadays it's more and more common for us to have an identity crisis. Half of me ponders whether this is down to the unfathomable effect the Internet has on us. Before we could only compare ourselves to those we surrounded ourselves with but now, with the power of social media, we are bombarded daily with people doing better than us - which is completely normal and unavoidable, there will always be someone ranked higher than you, someone who looks differently, who has a higher number in their bank account, who appears to have better luck (but most people aren't going to put their downfalls online, right?), the grass is always greener, yada, yada - and don't get me wrong, many find it inspiring and the overall effect helps them in bettering themselves, but the rest of the browsers and constant refreshers? It's like beating yourself up from the inside out. No longer do we need a inner voice telling us that we aren't good enough, we can simply click on an Instagram post and see someone of our own age who is doing better, someone who appears to have a "perfect" lifestyle. Is social media acting as the chip on some of our shoulders? Does it make us long for the impossible, and in turn, cause us to long for the alternative version of ourselves?
If you like YA books, you have an open mind, and you like a little mystery in your reading time.. Go for it. I would recommend When I Was Me.
Next up I'm reading The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer by Michelle Hodkin as I've read some mixed reviews and curiosity got the Anne. If you've read either books mentioned in this post, feel free to get in touch and give me your thoughts! My email is RootingBranches@gmail.com and my twitter is RootingBranches.
- Anne x
5 Ingredient Apple Crumble
7/29/2016
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For the Yummy Apple Goodness:
5 Bramley Cooking Apples
2 Tablespoons of Soft Dark Brown Sugar
1 Tablespoon of flour
1 Tablespoon of Water
For Crumble Topping:
2 Cups of Plain Flour
1 and 1/2 Cups of Soft Dark Brown Sugar
6 Tablespoons of Butter (proper butter works better, but this was all we had in the house.)
Pinch of Salt
Optional:
Cinnamon
Custard or ice cream to serve
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Start by making your crumble; Sieve your flour, brown sugar and salt into a bowl. Bit by bit begin to crumble in your butter. Be careful to not mush everything together as you will end up with a paste. Using just the pads of your fingers to create little bits. Have patience but work somewhat quickly to prevent the butter from melting. If you find that you need more or less butter than the recipe indicates, don't worry. Each crumble differs. Eyeball it. Once you have a chunky sand texture that somewhat resembles the (poor) photo below, you're done.
Now for the lower half of this magic duo; Peel and dice your apples into roughly 3cm chunks. Add to a separate bowl and mix in your brown sugar and cinnamon (optional). Add a tablespoon of water and mix together until each piece of apple is coated.
Get your dish, grease it with some butter, and as expected, spread the apples evenly at the bottom and top with the crumble.
Bake for 45 minutes in the centre of the oven, but continuously check after the 30 minute mark to prevent the top from over-browning.
Serve with either custard or ice cream and enjoy!
- Anne x
I suck. I'm fully aware of this. I'm really sorry for the recent lapse in posts. Life has been a little overbearing and I haven't found the time to write up the second and last post about my trip to Scotland. In all honesty, a small okay, large, part of me didn't want to write about it as it then meant that the trip was indeedly (that's a word, yup, not taking it back) over. My lovely partner was back home in California and I was left here to mourn for the mornings of french toast, adventures, and being with the man who completes me. Somewhat pathetic, but true. Alas, I am putting my big girl pants on and giving you a run down of all things Edinburgh, and a little Glasgow peak.
If you have read my first post on the trip (click here if you haven't), you'll know that we spent two nights Glamping near the Loch Ness and then drove down to Edinburgh to spend a further four(ish) days. We arrived on Tuesday evening and drove down to Glasgow on the Friday. We had two half days and two full. I wish we'd had more time, and I wish I was at the peek of health so we could do the various other things that were on our list (Edinburgh Castle, World of Illusions, The Jazz Bar, etc..) but we'll one day get to them.
Where We Stayed:
Our accommodation was a roller-coaster. We had one beautiful. homely place and one that I wouldn't send my worst enemy to. Let's start with the good. The Strathallan Guest House. Homey interior, a mere 20 minute walk from The Royal Mile and an all round great atmosphere. Upon arrival, we were surprised with an upgrade (originally having booked the attic room as it was cheaper) and a pleasant interaction with the owner. Breakfast is included in the room price. They offer an array of cooked breakfasts, cereal, fruit, juice, hot drinks, and a few other things. This has since been voted the best place we stayed solely for the pleasant atmosphere. You never felt rushed nor a nuisance for coming and going. The staff were helpful and were happy to engage in conversation. I can't rate it highly enough. There was only one minor downfall and that was the wifi. It didn't work. But if it had been important enough, we would of asked and I'm positive they would've solved the problem.
Now for the bad. 16 Pilrig Guest House. This is a newly opened establishment so I can understand having some faults and things that need tweaking, but in all sincerity, it was awful. If I hadn't been unwell and we were staying for longer than one night, I imagine we would of left. The windows wouldn't close (which in Scottish weather is not the best), the owners of the establishment were loud and didn't quiet down until almost midnight, the lock of the bedroom door wouldn't properly lock so we were forced to wedge it closed, the heating didn't work, my partner cut his leg on what appeared to be a nail sticking out of the bed base, and the owners weren't necessarily welcoming. It felt like a minor interrogation for our information (which was in form of a three page Q&A sheet that required a passport number). They said they had parking on the ad for the place, but that consisted of street parking that wasn't all that easy to find. We didn't take photos as it didn't occur to us to (this blog post wasn't planned). It was disheartening and a far cry from our first place. The only positive was that the bed was comfortable.
Where We Ate:
We ordered in a lot, so this list in tiny and I'm sorry for that. I repeat for the millionth time, my health was at a low and that stopped us from going out some nights. I hate that fact but it is what it is. Sometimes you need a caring person there to tell you to get your ass on the bed and watch Last Exile with him. (Okay, that may be me and him specific but I stand by the overall meaning).
We ordered in a lot, so this list in tiny and I'm sorry for that. I repeat for the millionth time, my health was at a low and that stopped us from going out some nights. I hate that fact but it is what it is. Sometimes you need a caring person there to tell you to get your ass on the bed and watch Last Exile with him. (Okay, that may be me and him specific but I stand by the overall meaning).
Burgers and Beers Grillhouse: For a good 97% of you, I won't have to go any further with this recommendation, you'll be down for it. Situated on The Royal Mile, B&BG is in an ideal location if you're thinking of doing any of the tours (mentioned below). All patties are made fresh to order, the shakes have a risk of giving you diabetes, and the options are endless. You can transform any burger to veggie, which is a giant bonus. The interior is comfortable, the staff are friendly and the music choices are flawless. There won't be one song that you don't know. Definitely worth a visit if you're in need of giant portions and an endless list of drinks (they also have hot drinks and many non-alcoholic options).
Ironically, we forgot to take photos from our favourite place. So you will have to go on faith with this one. (And my stolen photo from their site, credit to them!). Serrano Manchego is a little gem hiding on Leith Walk. We did the ultimate vacation crime and went here twice, but it was entirely worth it. Even if you just get coffee and chiros.
Things We Did:
As mentioned above, we didn't get to cross off most things on our list due to health complications, and as this post wasn't planned from the get go, photos weren't taken at every destination. But I can still list and link, and I hope at least one place catches your eye if you're planning a Scottish trip. Enjoy!
Ghostly Underground Vaults Tour (with Mercat Tours): Come on, you're in Edinburgh, you have to do at least one (or in our case, two) ghostly tour(s)! It's mandatory! The vaults was fun, if rather brief. We spent the first half of the tour wandering around the streets of Edinburgh with ole'horror tales of the past acting as our background music. Our tour guide was really good, though a little dramatic when attempting to make a story eerie which made it a tad bit more comical than scary. The vaults were exactly how you'd imagine and it was a really fun activity. If able to relive the experience, I might have changed our tour to a nighttime tour for the added effect of the nightly atmosphere. We then went on to do the...
City of the Dead Graveyard Tour (with City of the Dead): First I would like to say that our tour guide was really great during this, she was ever so friendly and easy to strike up a conversation with. The tour however was a little.. dreary. I would still recommend it as it was fun and a pleasant way of spending 90 minutes (there was even a little scare!), but for the most part, it was a woman cancelling out some stories you read of Edinburgh. I was waiting for her to say something sinful about Santa too. Would I do it again? No. But it wasn't a waste of money or time, so I'd push it at someone who is visiting. It has a great atmosphere and makes for a memorable evening. Have a glass of wine or beer beforehand and go with a light heart. You'll have a laugh.
As mentioned above, we didn't get to cross off most things on our list due to health complications, and as this post wasn't planned from the get go, photos weren't taken at every destination. But I can still list and link, and I hope at least one place catches your eye if you're planning a Scottish trip. Enjoy!
Ghostly Underground Vaults Tour (with Mercat Tours): Come on, you're in Edinburgh, you have to do at least one (or in our case, two) ghostly tour(s)! It's mandatory! The vaults was fun, if rather brief. We spent the first half of the tour wandering around the streets of Edinburgh with ole'horror tales of the past acting as our background music. Our tour guide was really good, though a little dramatic when attempting to make a story eerie which made it a tad bit more comical than scary. The vaults were exactly how you'd imagine and it was a really fun activity. If able to relive the experience, I might have changed our tour to a nighttime tour for the added effect of the nightly atmosphere. We then went on to do the...
City of the Dead Graveyard Tour (with City of the Dead): First I would like to say that our tour guide was really great during this, she was ever so friendly and easy to strike up a conversation with. The tour however was a little.. dreary. I would still recommend it as it was fun and a pleasant way of spending 90 minutes (there was even a little scare!), but for the most part, it was a woman cancelling out some stories you read of Edinburgh. I was waiting for her to say something sinful about Santa too. Would I do it again? No. But it wasn't a waste of money or time, so I'd push it at someone who is visiting. It has a great atmosphere and makes for a memorable evening. Have a glass of wine or beer beforehand and go with a light heart. You'll have a laugh.
I would like to mention that I booked both the above tours using GetYourGuide (Vaults/Graveyard), they were cheaper and had a 20% discount code. I strongly advise you do a quick Google search to see if you can find a discount code of your own and shop around.
National Museum of Scotland: It's huge. That's the first thing that comes to mind. The second being, it's free! The interior of the building in and of itself is breathtaking. There is an exhibition for everyone (we favoured the space and animal sections). I wholeheartedly think this is a must stop if you're visiting Edinburgh.
Heaven. That is all. If you know me at all, you'll know that I'm a Christmas fanatic. My partner was the sweetest man alive and had such patience as we looked for these magical places. If you only have time for one, I recommend sticking with Ye Olde Christmas Shoppe as it has more of a choice and the interior is like an elf has been exploded. Did I mention that they wish you a Merry Christmas when you walk in? Because they do!
Expensive but a really awesome experience. We hardly have photos from here because they managed to suck you into the world prohibiting you from remembering to take your camera out (which is a good thing!). If you have kids, then this should be at the top of your list. I won't explain it eloquently enough, so I'll allow you to click on the link and look yourself. But so much fun! A perfect end to our trip.
The Elephant House: This was a super quick stop but if you're a fan of Harry Potter or just writing in general, it's worth a visit. If you don't know, J.K. Rowling wrote the first Harry Potter book here as she looked out at Edinburgh Castle. They sell merchandise and it's a quaint stop to grab a coffee. The only downside is that it tends to be really busy, so be prepared to wait in line for at least 10 minutes.
So there you have it, our Edinburgh experience. It was a wonderful few days. Originally we planned to spend two nights in Glasgow, but we found there was more on the agenda for Edinburgh. We did however make a pit stop to the Science Centre in Glasgow and that was a lot of fun.
I'll do more travel posts in future as I have an exciting trip planned for the end of September, until then I will do my darn best to get a better routine going with blog posts. The pas few months have been a tad dreary and I'm working on snapping myself out of that funk.
I hope your week has gotten off to a great start!
Until next time,
- Anne x
Fibromyalgia || My Story
5/21/2016
Fibromyalgia is found under the category of "invisible illnesses". It's something that sounds made-up when you list the symptoms, as it seems unlikely that so many things can affect one human being without driving them insane. I was officially diagnosed at 16, but had been to countless appointments about my odd variety of complaints since I was 12. Three years I have "officially" had this illness and the doctors have offered therapy, physiotherapy, hydrotherapy, pain clinics, short term medications.. but they can't offer a long term solution. They can instead only offer temporary band aids to cover the parts that are screaming at that particular moment in time. Barring the pain clinic - which I'll be starting at the beginning of next month, I have done them all. So far, nothing has helped or offered relief.
Like most illnesses, each individual's symptoms differ. Mine include widespread pain after what my body classes as strenuous activity (grocery shopping, walking the dog, cleaning my bedroom, sleeping too long), inflammation of the joints, joint stiffness, skin sensitivity, insomnia, migraines, fatigue, nausea, loss of eye-sight, muscle spasms, bruising, inability to concentrate, and low blood pressure. Sounds made up, right? You can't see it show up on any medical chart, nor can you get a 100% accurate diagnosis from blood work. It's instead like a game of Tetris. All the symptoms acting as the colourful blocks until ding, ding, ding you've reached the top and are officially a Fibro victim. Much like the game, reaching the top means you lost. That's a terrible analogy and I'm pretty sure there aren't any dings in Tetris, but I hope you see what I meant.
Fibromyalgia is supposedly triggered by some life changing tragic event - whether on your body or in your life. I wouldn't say I have had either so I cannot relate to that, but know of many who have connected an event to their diagnosis. I simply began to experience abnormal pains at a young age.
I haven't found a magical cure yet, nor have I found anything that really soothes the pain. My mother continues to push a hot water bottle at me when my back is aching, but it doesn't help. Just makes me sweaty. It's rather bitter-sweet - family and friends. I spent the first half of today, or rather, yesterday, running a temperature in my bed with a banging headache, sick at the back of my throat, and pain shooting up and down my spine. I took some painkillers and lay there for 2 hours until eventually drifting back off. My mother was in the next room and my boyfriend was a phone call away, but I didn't see the point in telling anyone. They can't do anything and in honesty, I'm sick of telling people what hurts when I'm unable to show them evidence of it. I sometimes wish there was a thick gash on my arm with blood pooling around my bed, as I would then feel better in going "Hey, hi, yeah. I'm in pain here. Mind keeping me company until it stops?" It isn't even a matter of feeling as though I'm burdening them, or feeling like they don't care. As neither of those are true. It's simply a matter of feeling as though it would be pointless. A waste of breath when I can lay there and wait for it to ease all by myself.
As you may of seen from my previous (and future, it's coming, I promise) Scotland post, I went on a little vacation with my partner. And my body didn't react well to it at all. I spent one night in Edinburgh literally shaking for a solid 3 hours - making me wish I was spineless in the process, and unable to stand without falling right back down. It was the first time this illness has terrified me. When I could barely muster the strength to grip the edge of the bed to pull myself up, and to then experience the sensation of my knees and ankles giving out from under me.. It was indescribable. I'm a 19 year old girl and my joints felt as though they were those of a 90 year old. My partner had to help me to the bathroom (which he thankfully doesn't remember. Let's all take a moment of gratitude for sleepy brains.), and I spilt water down my front as I couldn't hold the glass steady enough to bring it to my lips. The following day I felt as though I was hit by a bus. We took it easy and did a small walk down the town, which was torture. Every breath hurt like hell, my sides and back felt as though they were covered in dark ugly bruises. The pain was close to unbearable. I fell asleep at 07:30pm. I'm a young adult, I was in a city I had never been to, and I was fast asleep by 8pm because my body didn't have the strength to hold it together for a couple more hours. I was ashamed of my health, and still am.
There is no direction for this post, nor is there a reason for my writing it. It's 06:19am and I'm at a loss. I've spent half the night worrying over the future - my future. My back is throbbing like it has been for the past few days, and my leg continues to give me a good ol' sharp pain when I straighten it, all because I was stupid and did some yoga as a Instagram post made me feel like crap for not working out. (Social Media is a wonderful thing, but acts as the devil for anyone who is either lonely or stuck in the house.)
I'm, ironically, a carer for my mum. I don't study as I haven't the funds for online education, and my health wouldn't handle going to an actual college. I can't get a part-time job due to Fibro. I'm uncertain as to whether I can will myself to have children, knowing that they may inherit this and/or the Porphyria gene - the kidney disease that is the reason behind my being a carer. As mentioned above, I volunteer when I can but that is becoming increasingly less due to the pain. I write for fun, but struggle as my wrists begin to ache and creak. It feels like every good thing has a flip side - that side constantly being pain.
I take Circadin to help me sleep, Dihydrocodeine on the bad days, Cyclizine for the nausea, Ibroprofen in hopes that they might miraculously help, and something for the inflammation (which also doubles as a stronger painkiller when mixed with Ibroprofen), but I can't find the box and haven't the faintest chance of knowing what they're called. I've tried the bath salts, oils, gels, creams, but alas, I sit here today with no recommendations to you on what could help anyone who is going through this. I'd like to say I've come to terms with that, but I haven't, I still have those days where it gets a little too much. I'm a part of this lovely little community on Facebook that was made for people with these types of illnesses and although I act more as a bystander and watch/read what others have to say without contributing much - I find it interesting how most are upset by their stories (though I entirely understand why). I'm more fearful. Of what I'll be feeling in another 5 years time, - how I'll cope. I can't concentrate on the now as I fear I'll implode at the situation I'm in.
People look at me with disgust when they see my Grandma carrying two shopping bags and my hands are empty. People expect me to able to lift boxes or move things as I'm "a strong young woman". People don't understand and I can't expect them to, as I barely understand myself - both theoretically and literally speaking. It's consuming but sometimes too easy to forget. It's my life but isn't what should dominate it. I struggle to find a balance, and I imagine many who walk in similar shoes will understand that. You can't allow an illness to control you, but it's difficult to follow that rule when every move you make in life will trigger said illness. Mind boggling.
I'm just a girl and the world I have at my feet is seeming smaller by the day. I have it better than most, I don't doubt that and I'm thankful for the life I have been given, even during the bad days. My life will be okay, no matter where it leads. I'll aim for great but am willing to settle for okay. The bad days pass, whether after 24 hours or a longer period of time. We all find our good days again. Much like a storm, you just have to wait somewhere safe until it passes. Thankfully I'm also the type of person who finds rain beautiful.
- Anne x
Loch Ness: Glamping, Exhibition, Food.
5/20/2016
I was going to write a monster post about my week long vacation in Scotland, but figured small snippets from each place would be more efficient for you and for my sanity. So here we have our first stop, Loch Ness! The drive up there from North Wales was fun for me, but likely brutal for my better half who kindly drove. So many things went wrong along the way, but sometimes you just have to look past them and force your company to listen to many, many, many Glee songs and watch as he shakes his head in shame (he loved it really). The views were breathtaking and the long stretch of 108 miles on a single road was.. fun. Especially for those 10 miles that were spent with a limited amount of gas, a desperation to pee and no sign of a station or anything as we were literally in the middle of nowhere. Fuel up and pee at every possible opportunity, kids.
In the Armadilla itself, you have your double bed, TV, a mini wet room meaning you could shower in privacy (quite a few Glamping sites offer community showers only), a kettle, toaster, fridge, under bed storage, draws, small closet and outside bins. Even wifi. Everything you could really need. You also have the option of a cooked breakfast delivered right to your door in the morning for an additional £7.50 per person. We chose to do that for our first morning only. It wasn't the best breakfast we've ever had for the price, but you're paying for their incredible hospitality and convenience of having hot food brought to your doorstep. So I think it's fair. A photo of my partner's breakfast is below, as I blanked on taking one of my veggie option. Speaking of, I think it's great that they offer both a vegetarian AND vegan cooked breakfast. Many places wouldn't go to the trouble.
Also at Loch Ness Glamping, you have your own private BBQ/fire pit and outdoor seating area. We wanted to use ours to make smores but wound up going out for dinner instead, which I'll get onto in a moment. Lastly at the site, there are two indoor BBQ houses (pictured below), which you share with the other campers. Inside there is the BBQ itself, a microwave, and seating. A great idea if you're travelling and wish to meet new people. It may be worth mentioning that you buy the coal separately from reception.
All in all, I would highly recommend Loch Ness Glamping. The only slight downfall of the place is the bathroom fan, as odd as that may sound. Placed right next to the main light, it is really easy to accidentally knock both at the same. Which would be fine, except one quick flick of that switch and you will be stuck with the whirling sound of the fan for a good 30 minutes. It was maddening, especially at bed time. But not a deal breaker and likely uncontrollable.
The Loch Ness Inn: On our second day but first proper night in Scotland, we went out for dinner to The Loch Ness Inn. The restaurant offers a free pick-up and drop-off service for anyone staying within 5 miles of the place, which was what we chose to do. Might I just add how much of a nice touch that is, especially if only one person of your party can drive. The food was great, the atmosphere even better, and the service was excellent. All staff were really friendly and happy to engage in conversation with you. They offer a range of Ale options from the local Loch Ness brewery that sits a short walk away from the restaurant itself, which my partner would recommend to you. He had the beef and I had pasta - the range of veggie options isn't spectacular, I think there were two on the menu and one on the specials board, but if you know that going in, it's no biggie.
It was a lovely place for a spontaneous date, and I would definitely recommend it if you're staying in the area. I failed miserably at taking photos of my food during this trip, but my partner did so I'll just keep putting his at the end of these restaurant "reviews".
The Dores Inn: The Dores Inn was a miracle in our eyes. Located in a beautiful spot right near the water (pictured far, far below), it was the perfect spot to round up the Loch Ness part of our trip. The restaurant itself has a warm interior, with comfortable seating. The food was really good. On the menu there were your classic pub dishes as well as options you wouldn't find in most places, a nice mix for the traditional and foodies. Near the bar they offered a range of homemade cake slices, which I had to steer my partner away from. It was.. comfortable. I think that sums it up. You didn't feel rushed or out of place, the scenery was beautiful and I imagine it could be a rather romantic option in the evening.
My partner had the haggis stuffed chicken, which he has now decided was his favourite meal during the trip. I was plain and ordered a Quorn burger, but it was very good and a nice change of pace than a regular vegetable burger, which is what most places offer. Once again, I forgot to take a photo but my cameraman took a snapshot of his.
Things We Did
I wasn't feeling too well after the car journey (thanks Fibro), and although my ever understanding partner didn't mind staying in and simply watching something together, we had to do some touristy things. I mean, we were in Scotland! So be prepared for tourist cheesiness in this section of these blog posts.
Loch Ness Exhibition: The Exhibition is situated just down the road from the Glamping site, so it seemed like a smart choice for our first day. It was enjoyable but in the words of my guy: it's a tourist trap. And bloody expensive for what it as. I think you have to do some cliché touristy things when in certain areas as it all adds to the experience, but would I go again or recommend it to someone/you? Maybe not. It's mostly a lot of sitting and watching a projector as they tell us how Nessie isn't real. You may be better off spending your money elsewhere.
Loch Ness: After checking out of Loch Ness Glamping, we went on the maddening search for the actual water of Loch Ness. It really ought to of been simple, but we were either blind or the roads are lacking in clear directions. Either way, we were driving in circles for an embarrassing amount of time. Every person we had asked prior to the search recommended going to Urquhart Castle to take in the views and for the historical aspect, which was the initial plan. But I still wasn't feeling well, thus making the justification of spending close to £20 to look at something that we ought to be able to do for free just plain silly. Food was our saviour. Unknown to us, The Dores Inn sits right near the water and I would like to thank our driver the previous night for suggesting we eat there.
So after lunch, we wandered out and took in the scenery. I'll let the photos do the talking for this one, as no words can do it justice.
Please excuse my deformed looking hand in the last photo. And that damn strand of hair. I felt and looked like a mess that day. But the views were beautiful and it was the perfect end to our 2 day trip. From there we got in the car and drove down to Edinburgh, which I'll get onto in the next Scotland post.
We didn't do a whole bunch, but we accomplished what we wanted and will hopefully one day return for a more backpacking type trip. Health can just be a bitch. You have to enjoy what little moments you can manage. I'll be eternally grateful for how much patience that man pictured above had with me for the duration of the week. It was his vacation and he never once made me feel bad for unintentionally ruining some of our plans. I'm a very lucky gal, that's for sure. I'd also like to thank him for unknowingly adding to the blog post with his camera skills, all credit goes to him. You can read his movie/TV review blog posts, right here on the SomewhatNerdy site. Just saying.
Hope you're having a lovely day, and thank you for taking the time to read this ramble of a blog post. The second part covering Edinburgh will be up soon.
Eventually we got to our destination and arrived at roughly 9:30pm on the Sunday, April 17th.
Where We Stayed: When myself and the boyfriend decided to drive up to Scotland we knew we wanted to visit Loch Ness. It wasn't even a question. And as the one responsible of our accommodation, I began to look for an Inn or something similar that was reasonably priced for the two nights that we'd be there. That is how I stumbled across the Loch Ness Glamping site.
Loch Ness Glamping: When I say Glamping, you may think of something Only Way Is Essex style and instantly want to mock me. It's okay, I did the same to myself when I first brought up the idea. But it was actually really beautiful and at £58 per night, far cheaper than most things I was finding. I want to add that never in my life have I gone camping. I'd love to but I've never known how I would handle it. I'm not overly fond of nature (grass phobia, it's a thing), and I'm usually freezing in a house that has central heating. See where I'm going with this? I digress. This was a new territory to me, and if anything, it's made me want to actually camp.
We opted to stay in an Armardilla (Number 3, to be precise), and it was perfect. We arrived quite late due to the drive and the owners of the property, Sonia and Graham, were nothing but understanding. Upon arrival, Sonia came out to greet us and after showing us the accommodation suggested that we pay in the morning to save us from having to trek back to the car, which I thought was very kind. I'd like to quickly add that when I was researching our options, they were also incredibly helpful through email and responded quickly. Little things, but admirable. All of which add to the experience of your stay.
Where We Stayed: When myself and the boyfriend decided to drive up to Scotland we knew we wanted to visit Loch Ness. It wasn't even a question. And as the one responsible of our accommodation, I began to look for an Inn or something similar that was reasonably priced for the two nights that we'd be there. That is how I stumbled across the Loch Ness Glamping site.
Loch Ness Glamping: When I say Glamping, you may think of something Only Way Is Essex style and instantly want to mock me. It's okay, I did the same to myself when I first brought up the idea. But it was actually really beautiful and at £58 per night, far cheaper than most things I was finding. I want to add that never in my life have I gone camping. I'd love to but I've never known how I would handle it. I'm not overly fond of nature (grass phobia, it's a thing), and I'm usually freezing in a house that has central heating. See where I'm going with this? I digress. This was a new territory to me, and if anything, it's made me want to actually camp.
We opted to stay in an Armardilla (Number 3, to be precise), and it was perfect. We arrived quite late due to the drive and the owners of the property, Sonia and Graham, were nothing but understanding. Upon arrival, Sonia came out to greet us and after showing us the accommodation suggested that we pay in the morning to save us from having to trek back to the car, which I thought was very kind. I'd like to quickly add that when I was researching our options, they were also incredibly helpful through email and responded quickly. Little things, but admirable. All of which add to the experience of your stay.
 |
| Bonus photo: On the second day we were greeted back at the site with a double rainbow. |
Where We Ate
Food. Probably the second best thing about a vacation. I'll admit we didn't go crazy in trying new things, but my better half did develop a fondness for Irn Bru and tried Haggis, twice. Nutter. So I have two mini restaurant reviews for you. Exciting stuff, especially as I'm so good at reviewing stuff (sarcasm).
The Loch Ness Inn: On our second day but first proper night in Scotland, we went out for dinner to The Loch Ness Inn. The restaurant offers a free pick-up and drop-off service for anyone staying within 5 miles of the place, which was what we chose to do. Might I just add how much of a nice touch that is, especially if only one person of your party can drive. The food was great, the atmosphere even better, and the service was excellent. All staff were really friendly and happy to engage in conversation with you. They offer a range of Ale options from the local Loch Ness brewery that sits a short walk away from the restaurant itself, which my partner would recommend to you. He had the beef and I had pasta - the range of veggie options isn't spectacular, I think there were two on the menu and one on the specials board, but if you know that going in, it's no biggie.
It was a lovely place for a spontaneous date, and I would definitely recommend it if you're staying in the area. I failed miserably at taking photos of my food during this trip, but my partner did so I'll just keep putting his at the end of these restaurant "reviews".
The Dores Inn: The Dores Inn was a miracle in our eyes. Located in a beautiful spot right near the water (pictured far, far below), it was the perfect spot to round up the Loch Ness part of our trip. The restaurant itself has a warm interior, with comfortable seating. The food was really good. On the menu there were your classic pub dishes as well as options you wouldn't find in most places, a nice mix for the traditional and foodies. Near the bar they offered a range of homemade cake slices, which I had to steer my partner away from. It was.. comfortable. I think that sums it up. You didn't feel rushed or out of place, the scenery was beautiful and I imagine it could be a rather romantic option in the evening.
My partner had the haggis stuffed chicken, which he has now decided was his favourite meal during the trip. I was plain and ordered a Quorn burger, but it was very good and a nice change of pace than a regular vegetable burger, which is what most places offer. Once again, I forgot to take a photo but my cameraman took a snapshot of his.
Things We Did
I wasn't feeling too well after the car journey (thanks Fibro), and although my ever understanding partner didn't mind staying in and simply watching something together, we had to do some touristy things. I mean, we were in Scotland! So be prepared for tourist cheesiness in this section of these blog posts.
Loch Ness Exhibition: The Exhibition is situated just down the road from the Glamping site, so it seemed like a smart choice for our first day. It was enjoyable but in the words of my guy: it's a tourist trap. And bloody expensive for what it as. I think you have to do some cliché touristy things when in certain areas as it all adds to the experience, but would I go again or recommend it to someone/you? Maybe not. It's mostly a lot of sitting and watching a projector as they tell us how Nessie isn't real. You may be better off spending your money elsewhere.
So after lunch, we wandered out and took in the scenery. I'll let the photos do the talking for this one, as no words can do it justice.
Please excuse my deformed looking hand in the last photo. And that damn strand of hair. I felt and looked like a mess that day. But the views were beautiful and it was the perfect end to our 2 day trip. From there we got in the car and drove down to Edinburgh, which I'll get onto in the next Scotland post.
We didn't do a whole bunch, but we accomplished what we wanted and will hopefully one day return for a more backpacking type trip. Health can just be a bitch. You have to enjoy what little moments you can manage. I'll be eternally grateful for how much patience that man pictured above had with me for the duration of the week. It was his vacation and he never once made me feel bad for unintentionally ruining some of our plans. I'm a very lucky gal, that's for sure. I'd also like to thank him for unknowingly adding to the blog post with his camera skills, all credit goes to him. You can read his movie/TV review blog posts, right here on the SomewhatNerdy site. Just saying.
Hope you're having a lovely day, and thank you for taking the time to read this ramble of a blog post. The second part covering Edinburgh will be up soon.
- Anne x
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