My Irrational Fears

10/19/2017

We're all afraid or a little cautious about something that others may deem as silly. I'm somewhat lucky in the way of not having a crippling fear (at least nothing that I've discovered yet) that can affect my life in any way. My mother is petrified of clowns and will get to the brink of tears if we stumble across a photo of one, even the word makes her visible shudder. She also has a fear of birds, but in an entirely different way. She can walk on the same pavement as a pigeon - granted, she's pushing me between her and the creature but A for effort, but if you even suggested the possibility of her walking anywhere near a clown, she'd downright refuse. Or have a meltdown. So I guess you can say I have some "bird fears" of my own, minor things that affect me but in a non-crippling way. Only mine can be a little.. eccentric.



Collapsing Bones
Possibly the most cuckoo on the list, but I've felt like this since I was a young age so I blame my mother. No particular reason, but ya know, when in doubt blame your parents, right? (Heh, I'm joking.) When I was in my late tweens, I started having a worry that my bones would just give out and crumble beneath me as I lay down. For a few months I was reluctant to lay on my stomach because of the possibility of my spine falling down and crushing my insides. Hm.. You know, what? I actually blame all the horrors I watched as a child. The spines in those movies come out of the body way too easily. Still, what with having Fibromyalgia and all, it isn't the most joyous of worries to have when your joints are already a little fragile. Yay for my brain.

That My Emotions Aren't True
It's a common fact between me and my loved ones that I have a unwanted skill of forgetting what certain things feel like when I'm at a distance. I begin to question whether what I felt was truly what I felt, or whether I was just making it up the entire time. Happiness, sadness, anxiety.. you name it. Sometimes when I'm in a current moment, it all feels a little like a second wind. Almost as though it's visible to me through a screen, but I'm just pulling my own strings and injecting the right emotions when they're expected or wanted. That doesn't make sense, does it? It's hard to explain, alas, I often get a burst of fear that everything I value in my life; love, happiness, memories etc, are just things that I want so desperately, I've made it all up to satisfy my desire for them.

Socks
I hate socks. I hate the feeling of socks, the way my feet feel like they can't breath, the tightness, the cotton.. Gah! No, no, thank you.

Heights, From The Bottom
Being afraid of heights is a common fear, but I do fairly okay when standing on the edge of something high. Yet if I'm standing below anything higher than 15ft, I get an overwhelming worry that it's going to come down. Trees, buildings, bridges, curtains at a theatre. I know it isn't entirely irrational to be scared of things collapsing, I mean, it happens. Just like falling off of a building. Alas, a curtain? I think my tummy just likes doing back-flips.

Grass
This ought to probably be the first on this list, but I have a habit of keeping the worst until last. I can't handle grass, at all. I won't walk over it unless it's the absolute last resort, even watching others skip happily across it makes my insides feel wobbly. When I was little I was barefoot in the grass and stood in dog muck, disgusting, which traumatised that part of my brain that is sensible. It took my mum and grandparents a while to get me back on and they did eventually manage it, my granddad would sweep the garden to make sure it was clean and I would non-gracefully step on to get to my beloved slide. In the same Summer, I stood on a bee barefoot (I used to pull my shoes off at inappropriate times, okay?). As you can guess, combined it has put me off grass and I now associate it with being dirty and pain. I will always happily take the long way around.

Do you have anything irrational that makes you fret? Do you share any of my fears? Write in the comments and let me know! We can all feel weird together.


Disclaimer: I'm sorry if anything I wrote doesn't make sense. I'm running on very little sleep and I think my back is trying to kill my will to get out of bed. I appreciate your eyes on this webpage and, yeah, thanks!

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