6 Horror Movies I Wish Would Be Remade

10/25/2017


I'm a huge fan of the horror genre. I've seen almost every badly made slasher of the last 10 years, and am now growing into the love of the paranormal franchise. Watching a lot of cheapo movies comes with a heap of regret after the credits roll and the question "Why did they do that? It could've been so good!" gets screamed by everyone, and by everyone I mean me and my mother. As the spooky season is upon us, I couldn't think of a better time to tell you what not to watch and put a plea out in the universe for these flicks to be revamped. We can all hope.
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Charlies Farm
Plot: In an effort to do something different, four friends head into Australia's outback to explore Charlie's Farm, the site where a violent family met their end at the hands of an angry mob. Despite all warnings, they persist in their horror-seeking adventure.
Starring: Tara Reid, Kane Hodder, Bill Mosley, Nathan Jones

Being a fairly new movie, it's makes it all the more frustrating to include Charlie's Farm on this list. This has so much potential but with actors such as Tara Reid and characters that result in you cheering as they meet their demise, it certainly isn't what you want out of a horror movie. They really had an opportunity to make this a good contender in the slasher genre, but instead chose to go down the comedic route and blew away all chances of it actually being good. Alas, the overall story is good and something I believe that we're currently lacking in the horror bracket of cinema. The backstory is twisted and decent, and as far as a slasher goes, believable. It had Friday the 13th or at the very least, Hatchet, potential. Shame.
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The Crack In The Floor
Plot: Some young people lost in the woods pick the wrong cabin while looking for help in this story of horror and suspense. Jeremiah was raised by his mother, a woman with a paranoid fear of strangers and outsiders, in a small cabin in a remote woodland community. Mother's fears became all too real one day when an intruder broke into her home, raping and murdering her as Jeremiah looked on. Since then, Jeremiah, deeply disturbed, has never left the house and has had almost no contact with the outside world. A group of college students led by Lehman set out on a weekend of hiking and camping when they encounter a few rather eccentric locals, and before long they find themselves lost. They discover a small cabin in the woods, and decide to take a look inside, where they discover Jeremiah -- and find he doesn't take kindly to strangers.
Starring: Mario Lopez, Gary Busey, Bo Hopkins

This one actually isn't that badly made, but the acting is.. let's say, lacking. Released in 2001, yet seeming as though it was made in at least the early 80's, the overall plot has some hope. I like the reasoning behind this guy's snapping point, much like Jason or Michael, it comes from a humanity standpoint. Which makes it scarier than say, When A Stranger Calls. The story takes some odd turns at times and there are scenes that are just not necessary as it's obvious they have been included solely for the shock factor (a thing that I loathe about most modern day horrors). I really think they couldn't made something great out of this.
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The Toolbox Murders
Plot: Steve and Nell are a young couple living in Los Angeles who are short on money -- she's just started work as a teacher, while he's a medical student doing his internship. They rent a flat in the Lusman Arms, a once beautiful but now decaying (and therefore affordable) apartment building managed by the sleazy Byron McLieb, who tries to pass off the ramshackle accommodations as "charming" and "historic." Watching over the Lusman Arms beside Byron is Ned, a greasy simpleton who serves as the building's handyman. Steve and Nell haven't been living at the Lusman especially long when she notices that a growing number of young women living in the building have been meeting a violent death, and with some help from good-hearted part-time actor "Jazz" Rooker, she begins looking into the murders and makes some disturbing discoveries about both the building management and her fellow tenants.
Starring:  Juliet Landau, Angela Bettis, Bret Roam, Marco Rodríguez  

Originally released in 1978 and then later remade in 2004, all horror fans would of heard of "The Toolbox Murders" in passing. I'm going to solely focus on the 2004 version in this post. With a decent plot and being directed by Tobe Hooper, this really did have some hope. And for the first 50 or so minutes, you'll sit in your seat and find yourself enjoying the movie. Then... yeah, you guessed it, it all goes downhill. This is the epitome of how not to write a female protagonist in a horror movie. I have never wanted to reach into a screen and slap a character more. She is infuriating, so much so that I wanted to turn it off or at the very least, walk out of the room. It's a real shame as it has a great potential for a slasher. They have done a sequel that got released in 2014, but I have yet to watch it.
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Killer Movie
Plot: Up and coming television director Jake Tanner is out of a job. The reality show he was working on, "Back to the Ranch," has been cancelled, and now his agent has landed him a job as replacement director on yet another reality show - this one tracing the unlikely winning streak of a North Dakota high school hockey team. The first order of business for Jake is to contend with demanding celebutante Blanca Champion, who has been hired on as a production assistant. But Blanca doesn't seem to be taking the job too seriously, because when she's not taking cat naps or hitting on the local teenage boys, she spends most of her time researching an upcoming film role that she hopes will be her big breakthrough. Later, when Tanner's crew-members start disappearing, Blanca proves to be the least of his worries. The body count is piling up fast, but who could be responsible? Is it the bible-thumping ex-convict from the backwoods, the short-fused hockey coach, or perhaps the producer with an unhealthy fixation on ratings?
Starring: Kaley Cuoco, Paul Wesley, Leighton Meester, Robert Buckley

This has a decent amount of well known actors in it, especially if you're a fan of teenage dramas. But no amount of semi-decent (yeah, I've downgraded) actors can save this script. It's awful. But alas, the overall story has a bit of potential. I imagine with a rewrite and a bit of better acting (Go away, Kaley Cuoco) this would join the likes of Scream or Urban Legend. It has a decent high-school cheesy horror going for it. 
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Catacombs
Plot: The producers of Saw shine a little darkness on the City of Lights in this grim thriller about a naïve American visiting her sister in Paris, and the horror that unfolds as they descend into the city's vast Catacombs for a wild underground rave. Victoria has never been to Paris, but when her sister Carolyn invites her to an upcoming party, the prospect of living it up in the most romantic city on Earth proves too powerful to resist. Shortly after arriving in Paris, Victoria and Carolyn venture deep into the 200-mile limestone labyrinth constructed with the bones of seven million Parisians. Later, after getting separated from her friends, the frightened American can't help shake the feeling that someone - or something - is stalking her every move; just waiting for the perfect moment to spring forth from the darkness.
Starring: Shannyn Sossamon, P!nk

Not only is this movie based in the Catacombs, which is awesome, but it has a semi decent story going for it. But with meh actors and some weird ass script, the outcome is... bland. Predictable. Sickening in a non-horror way. If anything, they turned what could've been a decent horror into a thriller. The twists and turns are classic for this kind of movie, but that doesn't mean the journey there has to be so unenjoyable. You end up feeling more pity towards the main character than fear for the movie overall, and I think when you choose to categorise a movie as a "horror", you ought to set out to scare the audience. I'm not talking about jump scares, but at the very least, make something that will be memorable for the right reasons. Wolf Creek is twisted, but at least it has some good horror elements that will leave you with goosebumps. Catacombs is just.. basic. And a little French.
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Wish Upon
Synopsis: Jonathan Shannon gives his 17-year-old daughter Clare an old music box that promises to grant its owner seven wishes. Skeptical at first, Clare becomes seduced by its dark powers when her life starts to radically improve with each wish. Everything seems perfect until she realizes that every wish she makes causes the people who are closest to her to die in violent and elaborate ways. 
Starring: Ryan Phillippe, Joey King, Shannon Purser

This is a newly released movie and the premise had some real potential but instead of making it some Conjuring horror fest, it became a teeny horror that you mostly laugh at. Just like Ouija. It's depressing as when you see it referencing Annabelle on the cover, you expect more than this. I don't think you can even class this as a horror, think of it more as a thriller. If they had gone with the mother's experience of the box rather than the annoying teenager, this really could've been a dark story which would of appealed to the horror lovers. I hope they do an origin type sequel that caters more to the people wanting horror. It's a shame.
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What would be on your version of this list? What's on your Halloween TBR? 
Let me know! 



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